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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.b

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These days there is an ongoing debate between
people
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 about whether advertising is exceptionally successful at
convince
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convincing
show examples
 us to buy things,
while
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 other individuals think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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marketing is so common that we no longer pay heed to it. I firmly believe that
advertisitng
Correct your spelling
advertising
 plays an important
role
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 for us to purchase items,
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additionally
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additionally,
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 we still pay
attention
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 to
the
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apply
show examples
advertising
products
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. I will discuss both of these views and will support my opinion with arguments in the essay below.
To begin
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 with,
its
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it's
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 the era of social
media
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.
Furthermore
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, we purchase only those items in which we have trust
in
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apply
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or the
people
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suggest
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who suggest
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 those things.
For instance
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, influencers nowadays are promoting
products
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 in
such
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 a way that
,
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apply
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 even we do not know that they are promoting
the
Correct article usage
a
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 particular thing.
For example
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, "Miss Rose" is well known cosmetic brand among
pakistani
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Pakistani
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 women,
this
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 brand does not have
high quality
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high-quality
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products
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in contrast
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 to Nars,
huda
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Huda
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 beauty and
maybelline
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Maybelline
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 etc, but it
still
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is still
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 common, because influencers
makes
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make
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 it famous by using their
products
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 in their videos. So, social
media
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 still plays a major
role
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 in
the
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our
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 choices
of
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apply
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us
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apply
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to buy things and advertising still
succeed
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succeeds
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.
Secondly
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, marketing agencies use
latest
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the latest
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 trends to capture the interest of
people
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's
attention
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.
Additionally
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 making funny posters or interesting
bill boards
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billboards
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 on roads.
For example
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, shaadi.com is the famous
pakistani
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Pakistani
show examples
 marriage bureau paid website, they advertise their website by hiring two
people
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 who can play the
role
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 of groom and bride in various malls, shopping centres and markets, which immediately grabs
anyone
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anyone's
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attention
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. Another
noticable
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noticeable
notable
 example is Careem,
its
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apply
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a renowned
ride booking
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ride-booking
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 app
among
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in
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 various cities
of
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in
show examples
pakistan
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Pakistan
show examples
.
Although
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 they have numerous competitors, they are still successful in keeping local
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people
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people's
show examples
attention
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 by creating funny posts and videos.
Moreover
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, marketing is so common that we even do not know that we are paying
attention
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 to it. In conclusion, social
media
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 and digital creators
is
Verb problem
apply
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the important
factor
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factors
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 and still
plays
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play
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 the dominant
role
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 in persuading us to purchase items.
On the other hand
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, marketing organizations use current especially Generation Z trends to grab
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
attention
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 whether in public or in digital
media
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.

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task achievement
Try to provide more balanced arguments for both views. While you extensively support the view that advertising is still effective, briefly discussing reasons why some people might find it ineffective could provide a more comprehensive and balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of the essay. Avoid repeating similar sentence patterns to keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases. For example, "influencers makes it famous" should be "influencers make it famous." Such corrections can improve the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
relevant specific examples
Specific examples, such as influencers promoting products and creative advertising strategies, strengthen your arguments well.
logical structure
Good use of linking words and phrases like 'to begin with,' 'furthermore,' and 'for instance' adds to the logical flow and coherence of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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