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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline is the responsibility of teachers, while other think it is role of parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

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Introduction
An increasing problem,
discipline
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, has been shown in modern schools.
Discipline
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has play
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role in
student
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's learning.
This
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
 is to discuss the responsibility of
teachers
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 and
parents
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 of the teaching of
discipline
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.
Body paragraph 1
The advocates of
teacher's
Change noun form
teacher
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 prefer that
teachers
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 are essential for maintaining order and respect in the classroom.
Teachers
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 can break
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student's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
 bad
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behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 by providing rules and consequences. Schools can
also
Linking Words
 supply
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 management programs for
teachers
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 to help them maintain
discipline
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.
Teachers
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 have
play
Change the verb form
played
show examples
 an important role in
student
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's
discipline
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.
Body paragraph 2
Otherwise
Linking Words
, the advocates of
parent
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's responsibility assume that
parents
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 are the
child
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's first
teachers
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.
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Parent's
Fix the agreement mistake
Parents'
show examples
Use synonyms
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 can affect children's
Use synonyms
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 straightly since they are
model
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models
show examples
. Children imitate their
parent
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's
Use synonyms
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 because they prefer
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 is right. Some
Use synonyms
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are affected by cultural and societal influences.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Tik Tok
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TikTok
show examples
 and Instagram have
catched
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caught
show examples
teenager's
Change noun form
teenagers'
show examples
mind
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minds
show examples
. Teenagers
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 bad things
since
Correct word choice
because
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 they want
reputation
Add an article
a reputation
show examples
.
Parents
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 have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to
contol
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control
 their use of
moblie
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mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
 in a proper way.
Parent
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's
Use synonyms
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 can shape a
child
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's
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
parents
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 and
teachers
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 have
Correct article usage
the responsibiity
show examples
responsibiity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to shape a
child
Use synonyms
's behavior. In my opinion,
parents
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 should
collabrate
Correct your spelling
collaborate
 with
teachers
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 to focus the
child
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's learning and
discipline
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. The
co-operaton
Correct your spelling
cooperation
 of
parents
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 and
teachers
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential to
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student's
Correct article usage
a student's
show examples
 development, and the
more
Rephrase
most
show examples
 important
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is
discipline
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher band, ensure that each paragraph includes clear examples and elaborations supporting your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs, so the progression of ideas is more seamless. This will make your essay more structured and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance your vocabulary and grammar use. Notice and correct minor errors that can detract from the overall quality of your writing (e.g., verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, spelling).
task achievement
Improve the essay's introduction by clearly stating your stance right from the beginning. This helps to establish a clear argument throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and provides a clear opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic of discipline responsibility, which shows a balanced view.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of discipline's importance in a child's development, both from teachers' and parents' perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline
  • authority figures
  • consistent rules
  • consequences
  • positive reinforcement
  • behavior management programs
  • instilling values
  • clear expectations
  • appropriate behavior
  • collaborate
  • consistent approach
  • cultural and societal influences
  • shaping behavior
  • cooperative approach
  • communication
  • joint responsibility
  • root causes
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