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Band 5

Somefamilies people believe that children who are brought up in which don't have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up in wealthier families. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#somefamilies #people #children #amounts #money #adult #life #families
It is widely debated that children raised in low-wage
families
 are way more prepared for
the
Correct article usage
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life
challenges
 than those who have been fostered in
the
Correct article usage
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affluent
families
. I partially agree, with the given statement and will give my opinion on both the facts.
To begin
 with, juveniles who are brought up in
the
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middle-class
families
 take up
the
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responsibilities at an early stage of
life
due to
the
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poor financial conditions.
As a result
, they experience the difficulties
life
 throws at them and
due to
 lack of support from the family they endure the pain alone.
Therefore
, becoming
a emotionally strong individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
an emotionally strong individual
emotionally strong individuals
show examples
managing
Wrong verb form
manages
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the
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life
 issues in a more effective way. Usually, children from
the
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economically challenged
families
 start earning at
young
Add an article
a young
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 age.
Hence
, they meet numerous people during the period which makes them aware of
the
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apply
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today's reality. Explaining
further
, another school of thought, belongs to the youth of wealthier
families
 who are nurtured under the vigilance of the parents with great love and affection. I believe, as they are privileged they have more exposure to the global world, which makes them updated with the new
challenges
 of
life
. If they
ever
Add a missing verb
are ever
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 stuck in any kind of problem they use wealth and power to get their issues resolved, and it makes them prepared to face the tough situations of
life
.
To conclude
, different category of
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 faces different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
life
challenges
 and get
well versed
Add a hyphen
well-versed
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with
Change preposition
in
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 the ways of handling those situations. I agree,
youngsters
Correct word choice
that youngsters
show examples
 from low-income
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 are
ready
Correct quantifier usage
more ready
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 to accept
the
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life
challenges
 than
the
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apply
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rich kids because of their
life
 experiences.
However
, socially advantaged individuals are
also
 prepared for the unexpected trials of
life
.
Submitted by jyotikhera2712 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported with specific examples or detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to make your essay flow more smoothly. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt adequately and provides a clear perspective on both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with a clear division of paragraphs discussing different aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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