In mordern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. 1. Why has this change occured? 2. Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?
It has become more common that the amount of
time
Use synonyms
children
spend with their Use synonyms
families
is reduced in modern society. The trend primarily comes from a higher employment rate among women. I believe Use synonyms
this
is a negative trend and Linking Words
children
should be forced to spend more Use synonyms
time
at home so they can be more responsible as they do chores and help their Use synonyms
families
regardless of various social skills they could learn from Use synonyms
friends
.
The major reason why Use synonyms
children
spend more Use synonyms
time
with Use synonyms
friends
and less Use synonyms
time
with Use synonyms
families
is a growing number of women fully employed today. Use synonyms
In other words
, without their supervision, Linking Words
children
are more likely to hang out with Use synonyms
friends
, which does not make them feel lonely. Use synonyms
This
brings various benefits to Linking Words
children
and they do not need to be forced to spend with Use synonyms
families
as they could gain essential social skills and manners Use synonyms
such
as communication and greeting. Linking Words
Thus
, those who spend more Linking Words
time
with Use synonyms
friends
are more likely to establish a successful relationship as they are more motivated to cooperate with one another.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Linking Words
children
should spend more Use synonyms
time
with Use synonyms
families
since they are able to learn significant skills and knowledge, encouraging them to be more responsible. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
children
are often expected to do multiple tasks at home from cleaning dishes to doing laundry by parents, from which they learn the importance of patience and hard work. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, those with a regular habit of doing house chores are more independent and become respected adults when they grow up. Linking Words
In contrast
, those who spend more Linking Words
time
with Use synonyms
friends
than Use synonyms
families
from a younger age are more likely to commit crimes as they tend to avoid making efforts and prefer to spend an exciting and easy life.
In conclusion, the most significant reason for young adults not to spend more Use synonyms
time
with Use synonyms
families
is the higher rate of employment of women, which has made it easier for them to hang out with Use synonyms
friends
to seek a more exciting Use synonyms
time
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, their social abilities are usually superior to those staying with Linking Words
families
at home. Use synonyms
However
, they need to be forced to spend more Linking Words
time
with Use synonyms
families
so they can better take care of themselves and work harder as they accomplish various housing chores.Use synonyms
Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay provides a reasonable response to the prompt, there is a need for more coherence in your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that all sentences clearly contribute to that idea.
task achievement
Some of your main points would benefit from additional development and clarity. This will provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which contribute to the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the question, discussing both why this change has occurred and whether parents should force their children to spend more time at home.