the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Science
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play
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plays
show examples
a crucial role in our modem society, it creates
technology
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, medicine, and many more. Some argue that the primary goal of
science
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must be to enhance the quality of
peoples
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people's
show examples
lives. I strongly agree with
this
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statement because
science
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mostly
focused
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focuses
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on innovation that could improve
humans
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human
show examples
health. One of the most significant ways
science
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improves
peoples
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people's
show examples
lives is through
advancement
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in healthcare. Scientific
reasearch
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research
has played a vital role in
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advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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on
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of
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healthcare, through scientific research, doctors and
scientist
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scientists
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could find cures for diseases that are incurable. One example of
this
Linking Words
is the cure
of
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for
show examples
cancer, many people don't know that through scientific research there is a cure for cancer which is
chemotherapy
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. By using
chemotherapy
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,
this
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technology
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kills all the cancer cells within the
patients
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patient's
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body. Even though
chemotherapy
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has
alot
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a lot
of effects on your body,
but
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apply
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do not worry, because of
this
Linking Words
advancement
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in healthcare doctors and
scientist
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scientists
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has
create
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created
show examples
a new
technology
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called Ozone
therapy
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,
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which improved
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improved
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improves
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circulation,
increased
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increases
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oxygen levels in cells, and stimulation of the immune system
..
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.
...
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This
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O/onc
therapy
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is very useful for patients who are undergoing
chemotherapy
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because
with
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apply
show examples
the use of ozone
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therapy
Add a comma
therapy,
show examples
it makes the patient feel refreshed and
less
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in less
show examples
pain when they
arc
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are
show examples
doing
chemotherapy
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.
Science
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has
revolutionalized
Verb problem
revolutionised
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techonology
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technology
, making daily life for other people way
more simple
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simpler
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and less complicated. Technological
innovation
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innovations
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such
Linking Words
as the
internet
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and
smartphones
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has
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have
show examples
significantly
improve
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improved
show examples
the way we communicate with each other. Thanks to the work of
science
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,
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internet
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the internet
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and
smartphones
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has
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have
show examples
made instant communication possible, calling from different countries in an instant just with the use of
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
and
smartphones
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. Not just through
technology
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but
science
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has improved transportation,
such
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as
high speed
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high-speed
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trains like the
shinkansen
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Shinkansen
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that is
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manufactured in Japan. It only
needs
Verb problem
takes
show examples
1-2 hours for the train to reach from one city to another city. The
advancement
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of transportation has reduced
the
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apply
show examples
travel times and environmental impact. 
Inconclusion
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In conclusion
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,
science
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plays a crucial role in enhancing human
well being
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well-being
show examples
by making
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advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
on
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in
show examples
health care and transportation. Through scientific
progress
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progress,
show examples
we have seen significant improvements
of
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in
show examples
healthcares
Correct your spelling
healthcare
such
Linking Words
as
chemo
Correct your spelling
chemotherapy
show examples
therapy
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and ozone
therapy
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. Not only that but there
is
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are
show examples
also
Linking Words
significant improvements
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
trains,
shinkansen
Correct word choice
and shinkansen
show examples
that
Linking Words
is
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are
show examples
made by Japan.
Internet
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and
smartphones
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for instant communication.
Therefore
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,
i
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I
show examples
strongly believe that the primary goal of
science
Use synonyms
is to focus on improving
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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advice
While your essay contains relevant specific examples supporting your points, some inaccuracies and vague statements slightly detract from its overall clarity. For instance, stating that chemotherapy is a 'cure' for cancer is incorrect; it's a treatment option, not a cure. Improving factual accuracy will enhance the overall effectiveness.
advice
Your essay can benefit from refining the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Try to ensure that each paragraph completely explains its main point. The transition between ideas could be smoother to present a more coherent argument.
advice
Your essay should be checked for minor grammatical and spelling mistakes like 'reasearch', 'alot', 'O/onc therapy'. Reducing these will enhance readability and professionalism of your essay.
positive
Your introduction and conclusion are effective in framing your essay. You clearly state your position and restate it in your conclusion.
positive
Your essay demonstrates logical structure and good organization through clear paragraphing. Each paragraph is focused on a specific point, making your argument easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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