IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some areas of the US, a “curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #“curfew #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult
At present, a few locations
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the US
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
planned to
Wrong verb form
planning
show examples
lockdown
Fix the agreement mistake
lockdowns
show examples
 against youngsters, where they are restricted
to visit
Change preposition
from visiting
show examples
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at a specific time at night unless they are guided by an adult.
According to
 my view, I believe
this
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the utmost law introduced.
Firstly
, during
curfew
Correct article usage
the curfew
show examples
 period, teenagers retard roaming unnecessarily in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
As a result
,
this
 reduces the
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 of youth being addicted to drugs, gambling or other criminal
activities
.
For example
, young individuals
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 are heavily engaging in traditional theft and offensive
activities
 which harm the reputation of themselves and their society.
Additionally
, preventing chances of grouping with negative influencers builds disciplined, well-behaved and
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 teens.
Moreover
, teenagers can foster in educational
activities
 or projects, so that they enhance their critical thinking and creativity generating vast opportunities in future.
On the other hand
, time to enjoy and play with friends
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 diminished.
For instance
, students work extremely hard and dedicatedly in school and remain impatient to play with peers. So they lose the chance to be entertained and ultimately,
this
 leads to stress, aggression and poor mental health.
Furthermore
, self-autonomy is lost because individuals have no right to enjoy their freedom and work in favour of their perspective, and often depend on adults to move out.
Also
,
this
 trend causes people to lack social skills and how to prepare and tackle challenges. In conclusion, even though restriction destroys time
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spent leisurely and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to stress and health issues but,
however
, it develops personal qualities, providing career opportunities and shrinks the risk of addiction and criminal
activities
.
Therefore
, personally, I agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement.
Submitted by seneshrasinda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on making your main points more distinct and clearly supported. Avoid repetitive statements and ensure each paragraph contributes uniquely to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Though the essay is generally understandable, refine sentence structures to improve the logical progression and use linking phrases or words to enhance flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and offers a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, which rounds off the essay well.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: