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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are best at or that they find the most interesting.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus
Nowadays, some
people
 think that many
people
 becoming overweight
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 fattening
food
 and they think they
find
Wrong verb form
have found
show examples
 the solution
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 increasing the
price
 of fattening meals. I strongly disagree and agree at the same time.
To begin
 with,
people
 think that increasing the
price
 of fattening
food
 because of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
’s overweight but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
 won’t work because
for example
, if one person always eats fast
food
 he
can’t
 stop eating because some
people
 are addicted to the fattening meals they can pay any money for the
food
 they want to eat. But
on the other hand
, some
people
can’t
 afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 if they increase prices
for example
, if one family have 7 members it would
cost
Verb problem
be
show examples
 very expensive, and another example is when some
people
 work at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job that doesn’t pay much
can’t
 afford the
price
 because of they don’t have any money to pay.
Thus
, in my point of view increasing the
price
 of fast
food
can’t
 help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
people
 because they are addicted to the fattening meal but
on the other hand
, some
people
can’t
 afford the
food
 because of their job and family problems.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion, but it needs to be more consistently developed and effectively supported with relevant examples and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to clearly organize your essay into paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow.
task achievement
You clearly stated your viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay attempts to consider different sides of the issue, showing a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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