IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are best at or that they find the most interesting.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus
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Nowadays, some
people
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 think that many
people
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 becoming overweight
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 fattening
food
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 and they think they
find
Wrong verb form
have found
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 the solution
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 increasing the
price
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 of fattening meals. I strongly disagree and agree at the same time.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
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 think that increasing the
price
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 of fattening
food
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 because of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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’s overweight but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 won’t work because
for example
Linking Words
, if one person always eats fast
food
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 he
can’t
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 stop eating because some
people
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 are addicted to the fattening meals they can pay any money for the
food
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 they want to eat. But
on the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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can’t
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 afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
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 if they increase prices
for example
Linking Words
, if one family have 7 members it would
cost
Verb problem
be
show examples
 very expensive, and another example is when some
people
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 work at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job that doesn’t pay much
can’t
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 afford the
price
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 because of they don’t have any money to pay.
Thus
Linking Words
, in my point of view increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
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can’t
Use synonyms
 help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
people
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 because they are addicted to the fattening meal but
on the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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can’t
Use synonyms
 afford the
food
Use synonyms
 because of their job and family problems.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion, but it needs to be more consistently developed and effectively supported with relevant examples and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to clearly organize your essay into paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow.
task achievement
You clearly stated your viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay attempts to consider different sides of the issue, showing a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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