IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it is more important to plant more trees in open areas in towns and cities than provide more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #plant #trees #areas #towns #cities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that increasing the number of the plantation of
trees
Use synonyms
 in towns and cities is more crucial than building
houses
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with planting more plants rather than making more
houses
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain the reasons in the following paragraphs. First of all, planting
trees
Use synonyms
 in cities and towns can reduce a large amount of pollution. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are using a variety of vehicles
such
Linking Words
 as cars, buses, trains and so on for transportation of various things which can make the air dirty and breathing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
Linking Words
 air cause many illnesses. So by planting more
trees
Use synonyms
 in open areas, we can decrease
this
Linking Words
 problem.
For example
Linking Words
: China makes a decision to plant more than a million
trees
Use synonyms
 every year to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
air pollution in their cities. It shows how important planting
trees
Use synonyms
 are and can help us.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the population of the earth is increasing significantly and every one of these
people
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
houses
Use synonyms
.
people
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cutting
trees
Use synonyms
 want to build their
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 and some businessmen
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
misuse
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opportunity for their own benefit.
For example
Linking Words
: in my country every year
people
Use synonyms
 not only do not plant
trees
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 cut them down which is very sad. Consicountly, these actions by
people
Use synonyms
 bring climate change and so many other disasters which can put human life in danger. In conclusion, building
houses
Use synonyms
 is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 basic needs of humans and we can not stop
this
Linking Words
 action but by planting
trees
Use synonyms
, we can actually make our future safe for ourselves and our children.
Submitted by abdullahhabibi9999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases like 'planting more plants'. Using synonyms will enhance vocabulary range and readability.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
overall
Revise for grammatical accuracy and try to eliminate minor errors.
task achievement
Clear stance on the issue from the beginning, and coherent argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a good structure to the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: