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Band 5

Some people think it is more important to plant more trees in open areas in towns and cities than provide more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #plant #trees #areas #towns #cities
Many
people
 believe that increasing the number of the plantation of
trees
 in towns and cities is more crucial than building
houses
. I strongly agree with planting more plants rather than making more
houses
 and
this
 essay will explain the reasons in the following paragraphs. First of all, planting
trees
 in cities and towns can reduce a large amount of pollution. Nowadays,
people
 are using a variety of vehicles
such
 as cars, buses, trains and so on for transportation of various things which can make the air dirty and breathing
of
Change preposition
apply
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such
 air cause many illnesses. So by planting more
trees
 in open areas, we can decrease
this
 problem.
For example
: China makes a decision to plant more than a million
trees
 every year to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
air pollution in their cities. It shows how important planting
trees
 are and can help us.
On the other hand
, the population of the earth is increasing significantly and every one of these
people
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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houses
.
people
by
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apply
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cutting
trees
 want to build their
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 and some businessmen
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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misuse
from
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apply
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this
 opportunity for their own benefit.
For example
: in my country every year
people
 not only do not plant
trees
 but
also
 cut them down which is very sad. Consicountly, these actions by
people
 bring climate change and so many other disasters which can put human life in danger. In conclusion, building
houses
 is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 basic needs of humans and we can not stop
this
 action but by planting
trees
, we can actually make our future safe for ourselves and our children.
Submitted by abdullahhabibi9999 on

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coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases like 'planting more plants'. Using synonyms will enhance vocabulary range and readability.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
overall
Revise for grammatical accuracy and try to eliminate minor errors.
task achievement
Clear stance on the issue from the beginning, and coherent argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a good structure to the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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