IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #summaries #information #features #comparison
The data in the
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar graph illustrates the statistics of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 working under the age group of 60 to 64 in the year 1970 and in 2000 where the
mention
Replace the word
mentioned
show examples
 cities are Belgium,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Japan
 and Australia
To begin
 with, in view of men, In 1970 under the category of 60 to 64
Japan
 shows
maximum
Add an article
the maximum
show examples
 percentage of men working standing at 85% followed by Belgium and Australia
79
Change preposition
at 79
show examples
 % and 76% respectively.
USA
Correct article usage
The USA
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced less
employment
 12% than
Japan
.
Conversely
,in 2000 Belgium showed a drastic change in
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 sector
campare
Correct your spelling
compared
 to1970 it reflects
60
Correct article usage
a 60
show examples
% decline. In 2000
Japan
 was
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 in
employment
 and
then
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Australia. In
Case
Correct article usage
the Case
show examples
 of women, It can be seen
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
Japan
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 had
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 number of women
employment
Replace the word
employed
show examples
 in both
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
former
Add an article
the former
show examples
 country it
display
Wrong verb form
displayed
show examples
 43% in 1970 and 40% in 2000 and in
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 country it aho
Submitted by taniamall786 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, japan, employment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!