Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagrees?
Nowadays, some
students
are too busy with their huge amount of work at school and do not care about other activities
. While
some people opine that besides
learning, students
have to spend time
in extracurricular activities
, others do not agree with this
. From my own perspective as a student, I totally agree with the opinion as
extra Correct word choice
that
activities
bring many benefits to students
.
On the one hand, students
should spend their full
Add a hyphen
full-time
time
learning. Firstly
, some children
can be distracted by activities
. Even when learning, they just keep thinking about how to finish their deadlines at
their project. Change preposition
for
As a result
, their efficiency of studying will decrease, which makes their grades drop significantly. Secondly
, if the student can not balance time
between their studies and activities
, they can even feel much more pressure because the amount of work now is bigger. For example
, in my school, many students
join too many clubs but still want to keep up in class, so they are often stressed because they have too many deadlines and work to do. Consequently
, overload activities
can affect their mental health
, which can make the performance of students
at schools worsen.
On the other hand
, extracurricular activities
bring many benefits to students
. One of the reasons is that they can strengthen children
’s mental health
and physical health
. If they only spend time
learning, they will feel bored and do not want to learn more. Outside activities
can help children
to
relieve stress Verb problem
apply
as well as
motivate children
to learn more by doing interesting things. The other reason is that when actually working outside, students
can gain extra life skills. Learning is just based on books, which is theoretical. If students
have a chance to actually use their knowledge into
real life , they will understand more about the real world around them. Change preposition
in
This
will help to
prepare for their future jobs when they grow up. Correct pronoun usage
them to
For instance
, joining clubs about finance makes
Change the verb form
make
students
actually know how to use money, when books only teach them but not actually trying to use it.
In conclusion, while
extracurricular activities
may distract children
as well as
make them stressed, the benefits of them, which are increasing health
and gaining life skills, outweigh the negative sides.Submitted by cathyngo1512 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains clear paragraphing to enhance readability and logical structure.
task achievement
While the essay effectively presents the argument, there could be a bit more variety in sentence structures to maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
Great job on providing relevant specific examples to support your points! This adds credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively outline the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You did a good job of balancing both sides of the argument, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.