Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagrees?

Nowadays, some
students
are too busy with their huge amount of work at school and do not care about other
activities
.
While
some people opine that
besides
learning,
students
have to spend
time
in extracurricular
activities
, others do not agree with
this
. From my own perspective as a student, I totally agree with the opinion
as
Correct word choice
that
show examples
extra
activities
bring many benefits to
students
. On the one hand,
students
should spend their
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
learning.
Firstly
, some
children
can be distracted by
activities
. Even when learning, they just keep thinking about how to finish their deadlines
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
their project.
As a result
, their efficiency of studying will decrease, which makes their grades drop significantly.
Secondly
, if the student can not balance
time
between their studies and
activities
, they can even feel much more pressure because the amount of work now is bigger.
For example
, in my school, many
students
join too many clubs but still want to keep up in class, so they are often stressed because they have too many deadlines and work to do.
Consequently
, overload
activities
can affect their mental
health
, which can make the performance of
students
at schools worsen.
On the other hand
, extracurricular
activities
bring many benefits to
students
. One of the reasons is that they can strengthen
children
’s mental
health
and physical
health
. If they only spend
time
learning, they will feel bored and do not want to learn more. Outside
activities
can help
children
to
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apply
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relieve stress
as well as
motivate
children
to learn more by doing interesting things. The other reason is that when actually working outside,
students
can gain extra life skills. Learning is just based on books, which is theoretical. If
students
have a chance to actually use their knowledge
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
real life , they will understand more about the real world around them.
This
will help
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
prepare for their future jobs when they grow up.
For instance
, joining clubs about finance
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
students
actually know how to use money, when books only teach them but not actually trying to use it. In conclusion,
while
extracurricular
activities
may distract
children
as well as
make them stressed, the benefits of them, which are increasing
health
and gaining life skills, outweigh the negative sides.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains clear paragraphing to enhance readability and logical structure.
task achievement
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task achievement
Great job on providing relevant specific examples to support your points! This adds credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively outline the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You did a good job of balancing both sides of the argument, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • reduce stress
  • burnout
  • life skills
  • leadership
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • communication skills
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • networking opportunities
  • career opportunities
  • personal development
  • enhanced learning experience
  • practical involvement
  • academic learning
  • real-world experience
  • holistic development
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • cognitive growth
  • well-rounded individuals
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