IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

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Most
children
Use synonyms
 will need a refreshment to help them grow faster.
As a result
Linking Words
, some parents buy their
children
Use synonyms
 a large number of
toys
Use synonyms
 to play with.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I will discuss both benefits and drawbacks of the
occurence
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 as set out below. First of all, playing with so many
toys
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the arsenal will trigger their creativity from
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 days.
For example
Linking Words
, they can merge
lego
Capitalize word
Lego
show examples
 and
mechano
Change the capitalization
Mechano
show examples
 to work together in unity. There is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research in Jakarta which
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 done in 2020
shown
Change the form of the verb
showed
show examples
 that 80% of the
children
Use synonyms
 in the city could learn from
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 which trained their
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 capability faster.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they are building some puzzles, they will find out a variety of patterns which will trigger their sense faster
due to
Linking Words
 many of the examples.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, too many
toys
Use synonyms
 will teach them to be consumerism which will be a bad habit for their future.
For example
Linking Words
, in the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 they will be used to
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
show examples
 of choices without any consideration, so they will buy everything they want which are not needed by them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will make
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 hard to decide which is the most important for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they go to the grocery and look for some
milks
Change the wording
milk
kinds of milk
bowls of milk
pints of milk
glasses of milk
show examples
, they will have a hard time
to decide
Change the verb form
deciding
show examples
 which milk brand is the best for them.
To conclude
Linking Words
, having too many
toys
Use synonyms
 will help the
children
Use synonyms
 to grow faster but it will have drawbacks which need to be 
antisipated
Correct your spelling
anticipated
.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your ideas to provide a more in-depth analysis. Additionally, ensure all points are directly related to the main topic to maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
It is essential to structure your essay with well-defined paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. Transitional phrases can greatly help in maintaining a logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in giving the reader a good understanding of what to expect and where the discussion leads.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the research in Jakarta, which supports the points being made.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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