The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

It is often discussed that governments should have
access
to
people
's mobile
phone
call records and
messages
. Some
people
think the
government
should have
access
because of safety reasons,
while
others believe it is private
information
and should not be available without permission. I completely agree with the latter statement.
Phone
call records and
messages
are personal
information
that should not be accessible by anybody. On the one hand,
people
who think
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should have
access
to
this
kind of
information
are the safety reasons. When something bad happens, it would be possible for the
government
to take action when
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
available.
For example
, nowadays one of the most popular ways to steal money is online scamming. It would be possible for the
government
to catch scammers with these
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
. In Turkey, the
government
can
access
everything on
people
's mobile phones. Most of the bad
people
got caught
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
their phones in Turkey.
This
policy is one of the biggest reasons why there are no illegal drug sellers in Turkey.
On the other hand
,
people
should have a private area online. No matter the reason, online activities should not be accessible by the
government
. There is a reason why they are called private
information
.
For instance
, I do not want someone to read my
messages
or listen to
phone
calls that I made with my wife.
People
's marriage is their secrets, nobody should be able to
access
information
about
people
's personal lives. In conclusion, I side with those who think
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should not read
messages
or listen to
phone
call records of
people
. If
this
happens, there would be no reason to use these features on our phones.
Submitted by enver07600 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are consistently supported with relevant and clear examples. This will strengthen your task response and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Integrate clear transitions and linking phrases between paragraphs and points to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating points or examples to maintain focus and prevent redundancy.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
task achievement
Your points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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