IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

#government #companies #waste #materials #treatment #facility #envirnonment #support #position
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It is often discussed that governments should have
access
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 to
people
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's mobile
phone
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 call records and
messages
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. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think the
government
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 should have
access
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 because of safety reasons,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is private
information
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 and should not be available without permission. I completely agree with the latter statement.
Phone
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 call records and
messages
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 are personal
information
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 that should not be accessible by anybody. On the one hand,
people
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 who think
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should have
access
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 to
this
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 kind of
information
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 are the safety reasons. When something bad happens, it would be possible for the
government
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 to take action when
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 available.
For example
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, nowadays one of the most popular ways to steal money is online scamming. It would be possible for the
government
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 to catch scammers with these
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
. In Turkey, the
government
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 can
access
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 everything on
people
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's mobile phones. Most of the bad
people
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 got caught
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their phones in Turkey.
This
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 policy is one of the biggest reasons why there are no illegal drug sellers in Turkey.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 should have a private area online. No matter the reason, online activities should not be accessible by the
government
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. There is a reason why they are called private
information
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.
For instance
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, I do not want someone to read my
messages
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 or listen to
phone
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 calls that I made with my wife.
People
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's marriage is their secrets, nobody should be able to
access
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information
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 about
people
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's personal lives. In conclusion, I side with those who think
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should not read
messages
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 or listen to
phone
Use synonyms
 call records of
people
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. If
this
Linking Words
 happens, there would be no reason to use these features on our phones.
Submitted by enver07600 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are consistently supported with relevant and clear examples. This will strengthen your task response and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Integrate clear transitions and linking phrases between paragraphs and points to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating points or examples to maintain focus and prevent redundancy.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
task achievement
Your points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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