IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

It is often discussed that governments should have
access
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
's mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 call records and
messages
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think the
government
Use synonyms
 should have
access
Use synonyms
 because of safety reasons,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is private
information
Use synonyms
 and should not be available without permission. I completely agree with the latter statement.
Phone
Use synonyms
 call records and
messages
Use synonyms
 are personal
information
Use synonyms
 that should not be accessible by anybody. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who think
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should have
access
Use synonyms
 to
this
Linking Words
 kind of
information
Use synonyms
 are the safety reasons. When something bad happens, it would be possible for the
government
Use synonyms
 to take action when
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 available.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays one of the most popular ways to steal money is online scamming. It would be possible for the
government
Use synonyms
 to catch scammers with these
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
. In Turkey, the
government
Use synonyms
 can
access
Use synonyms
 everything on
people
Use synonyms
's mobile phones. Most of the bad
people
Use synonyms
 got caught
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their phones in Turkey.
This
Linking Words
 policy is one of the biggest reasons why there are no illegal drug sellers in Turkey.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should have a private area online. No matter the reason, online activities should not be accessible by the
government
Use synonyms
. There is a reason why they are called private
information
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, I do not want someone to read my
messages
Use synonyms
 or listen to
phone
Use synonyms
 calls that I made with my wife.
People
Use synonyms
's marriage is their secrets, nobody should be able to
access
Use synonyms
information
Use synonyms
 about
people
Use synonyms
's personal lives. In conclusion, I side with those who think
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should not read
messages
Use synonyms
 or listen to
phone
Use synonyms
 call records of
people
Use synonyms
. If
this
Linking Words
 happens, there would be no reason to use these features on our phones.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are consistently supported with relevant and clear examples. This will strengthen your task response and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Integrate clear transitions and linking phrases between paragraphs and points to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating points or examples to maintain focus and prevent redundancy.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
task achievement
Your points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: