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Band 1

The continued rise in world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time.

#rise #world #population #humanity #time
The rapid growth of the world’s
population
 is increasingly recognized as one of the most critical challenges facing humanity today There are several reasons that
causes
Change the verb form
cause
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 to rising
population
, one of the main and important
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 thing that
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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 for everything will increase as an example demand for natural resources will increase
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 means there will be
water
Add an article
a water
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 shortage, because water is
main
Add an article
the main
a main
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 resource for
entire
Add an article
the entire
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population
 as known as Life,
therefore
 the rise of
population
 could lead to worse consequences.
However
 we can find
Add an article
an alternative
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alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
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 to
shortage
Correct article usage
the shortage
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 of Natural resources, we have more problems
that
Correct your spelling
than
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population
Correct article usage
the population
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 should focus on,
for example
Add the comma(s)
,
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Natural
environmental
Replace the word
environment
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, because it can lead to drought and air pollution,
Therefore
 rising
population
 isn't
greatest
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a greatest
the greatest
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 problem that humanity ever faced,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 it's Natural Environment, so people should focus on it more
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples to support your points. For example, when mentioning the shortage of natural resources, you could cite specific instances or statistics that illustrate this issue.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and explore it in depth, rather than briefly touching on several points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows to the next. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas and maintain coherence throughout your essay.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and the issues involved, which is reflected in your writing.
task achievement
The essay provides some relevant points and examples, demonstrating an effort to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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