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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the modern world, many employees lack soft skill such as communication and working in the teams. What are the main causes of this problem? What are the effects of the lack of such skills ?

#world #employees #lack #skill #communication #teams #effects #skills
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Nowadays, it is required for workers to be able to communicate properly and have teamwork
skills
 in every
occupassion
Correct your spelling
occupation
occasion
.
However
, some are unskilled because they were raised in small
immidiate
Correct your spelling
immediate
 families and the education system was unable to teach them.
This
 might lead them to be unsuccessful in their careers and even to get severe mental disorders.
To begin
 with, growing up in small families can make toddlers anti-social. Families are getting smaller in the modern world. To be specific, they aren'
t
 close with aunts, uncles,
cousins
Correct word choice
or cousins
show examples
besides
of
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apply
show examples
having just one child.
As a result
, children weren'
t
 been
teached
Correct your spelling
reached
 to communicate with people from outside of their comfort zone ,which is their parents,
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
In addition
, authorities in
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system
also
 undervalue the
skills
 of communication. When they grow up and go to school, even teachers and mentors don'
t
 encourage students to make friends or
work
 in small groups for class projects as they are expected to merely focus on their academic
succession
Replace the word
success
show examples
.
For example
, parents in Iran ask schools to
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 their children's
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 from their friends in order to push them toward focusing on their academic subjects.
As a result
, they can'
t
 gain these
skills
 from schools so there are many dramas in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 in Iran.
Moreover
, these introverted employees mostly get mental illnesses
such
 as anxiety and depression.
Pyschologists
Correct your spelling
Psychologists
 believe by being lonely and isolated at
work
 for
long
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a long
show examples
 period of time, human beings might get mentally sick as they
work
 approximately one-third of their
life-time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
.
Consequently
, if a person is not having coworker friends, they might get lonely and sick in the future.
In addition
, if they don'
t
 build
network
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a network
show examples
, which is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 in every profession, they can'
t
 grow in their career. Obviously, if you don'
t
 have
close
Add an article
a close
show examples
 relationship with your employer, they won'
t
 give you
raise
Correct article usage
a raise
show examples
 and might even underestimate your value
for
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to
show examples
firm
Add an article
the firm
a firm
show examples
.
Moreover
, you can'
t
 learn new job-related
skills
 from your coworkers and over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time you will
be expired
Wrong verb form
expire
show examples
 with old
skills
 in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market.
For instance
, to be promoted in
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
, employees should be recommended by their co-workers and manager
simultaneuosly
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
.
Consequently
, you have to be
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 and friendly so that you have a good impression on other people. In conclusion, employees who are not skillful in communicating with people and working with them on the same project have fewer
successing
Correct your spelling
successful
 opportunities at
work
.
This
 disability is because their parents and teachers didn'
t
mentored
Change the verb form
mentor
show examples
 them to learn these
skills
 in early childhood. If they don'
t
 overcome
this
 situation, they will be depressed and anxious and can not succeed in their career.
Submitted by golnaz.zv on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea that is fully developed. Some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Work on transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and ensure smoother flow. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
general
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and vocabulary usage to enhance clarity and precision.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question by identifying main causes and effects of the lack of soft skills.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Soft Skills: Attributes that enable someone to interact effectively and harmoniously with other people.
  • Communication: The imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium.
  • Teamwork: The combined action of a group, especially when effective and efficient.
  • Remote Communication: Communication that occurs when parties are not physically present, often through digital means.
  • Overemphasis: Excessive emphasis on a particular aspect.
  • Individualistic Culture: A social theory favoring freedom of action for individuals over collective or state control.
  • Trickle-Down Effect: The cumulative effect that smaller or marginal changes can have when initiated at higher levels.
  • Competitive Work Environment: A work setting where employees are constantly striving against one another to achieve success.
  • Specialized Job Roles: Positions that require expertise in a narrow field or specific set of skills.
  • Face-to-Face Interactions: Direct, in-person communication between individuals.
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