IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billioin) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three catagories, from 1995-2002. Summarises the information by selection and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billioin) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three catagories, from 1995-2002. Summarises the information by selection and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#minutes #billioin #telephone #uk #three #catagories #summarises #information #selection #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates the categories of
phone
Use synonyms
 calls in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 between 1995 and 2002. Throughout the years, local
phone
Use synonyms
calls
Change the noun form
call
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 numbers were the highest, followed by national and international
phone
Use synonyms
 calls and
lastly
Linking Words
, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 calls were positioned
last
Linking Words
. Calls in regional
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 of
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 through fixed
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
 were the highest in 1995, at more than 70
billion
Use synonyms
 minutes. It increased
10
Change preposition
by 10
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-20
billion
Use synonyms
 in the span of 4 years, reaching its peak
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 90
billion
Use synonyms
 in 1999.
This
Linking Words
 number decreased gradually back to 70
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2002. Different trends were displayed by national and international calls and mobile calls. Both categories
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased consistently each year.
While
Linking Words
 the
national
Correct quantifier usage
number of national
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 and international calls number rose slowly -- less than 10% each year -- the
calls
Correct quantifier usage
number of calls
show examples
 made through mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 increased dramatically, reaching
quadruple
Correct article usage
a quadruple
show examples
 in 2002 compared to less than 10
billion
Use synonyms
 in 1995. But even though the
last
Linking Words
 two categories have increasing patterns, their highest points remained lower than the local
phone
Use synonyms
 calls
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 its lowest point.
Submitted by sheillarachmania12 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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