IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

#minutes #percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest #information #features #comparisons
The charts illustrate the
arrested
Replace the word
arrest
show examples
 rate among two genders,
men
 and
women
, in the five years ending 1994 and the latest causes for
jailed
Replace the word
jail
show examples
.
Overall
, it is evident that most of
prisoners
Add an article
the prisoners
show examples
 in
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
 years ending 1994
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 mostly males, and the main reason to be arrested for both sexes
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 public drinking.
To begin
 with, the pie chart showed that males and females have a significant difference in the number of custodial sentences in five years ending 1994. There was 32% of males got jailed and the rest of the percentage was freed, which was 68%.
Whereas
, it was only 9% of females who got arrested and there was 91% of free females. Moving to the bar chart, most of the
prisoners
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 convicted
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 drinking in a public space, amounting to around 31% and 37% for
men
 and
women
, respectively.
Following
this
, around 25% of
men
prisoners
 are objected to
drink
Change the verb form
drinking
show examples
while
 driving and nearly 20% of
women
prisoners
 punished because of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
assault and other reasons.
Then
, the arrested
men
 have similar percentages to approximately 15% by doing breach of order, assault, theft, and other reasons. Meanwhile,
women
 who breach
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
show examples
 and
stealing
Replace the word
steal
show examples
 are about 13%. Both of the genders who do not have
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
 have the least share, accounting for below 10% of all the reasons.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, prisoners with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: