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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural/and becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural/and becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#three #regions #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart explains several reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
unproductive
Add an article
the unproductive
an unproductive
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 in
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
show examples
 sector
while
Linking Words
 the table elaborates how these causes affected three regions during
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are three main causes of
land
Use synonyms
 degradation which had the biggest
impact
Use synonyms
 on Europe's
land
Use synonyms
. Looking at the table,
over grazing
Correct your spelling
overgrazing
show examples
 became the main cause of
degradated
Correct your spelling
degraded
degradation
land
Use synonyms
 with more than a third. The main cause was followed by deforestation and
over cultivation
Add a hyphen
over-cultivation
show examples
,
with
Change preposition
apply
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contributing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 60% combined.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if looking
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 detail in some regions, Europe had the biggest
impact
Use synonyms
 on unproductive
land
Use synonyms
 with almost a quarter of their
land
Use synonyms
. The root cause of
this
Linking Words
 issue in Europe was mainly
due to
Linking Words
 deforestation, contributing
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 10%.
Then
Linking Words
, the second largest
impact
Use synonyms
 of degraded
land
Use synonyms
 was
oceania
Change the capitalization
Oceania
show examples
 with 13% of their
land
Use synonyms
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 productive. They mainly had an issue with
over grazing
Correct your spelling
overgrazing
show examples
 but had no problem with
over cultivation
Add a hyphen
over-cultivation
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the region which had the least
impact
Use synonyms
 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
North America with merely 5% of their
land
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not productive.
Submitted by bhaswarawira on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words land, impact with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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