It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

It is
aruged
Correct your spelling
argued
that the growing number of
violence
in
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
offance
Correct your spelling
offences
is caused by the media. The main problem with
this
issue is that adolescence
freequantily
Correct your spelling
frequently
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
video
games
and it can
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
show examples
through
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
and
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
show examples
atmosphare
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
.
Then
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
main
disadvanges
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
of
increaging
Correct your spelling
increasing
violence
in
Add an article
a teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
is that they are playing video
games
which are based on crime and
fight
Replace the word
fighting
show examples
.
This
is
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
when these young people
indulage
Correct your spelling
indulge
in
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
it
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
agression
Correct your spelling
aggression
when they
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
games
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
they want to win the
games
. Another
reasion
Correct your spelling
reason
, when they face problems in real life they are confused and not able to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
right
desision
Correct your spelling
decision
. They want to get it at any cost or
consequance
Correct your spelling
consequence
thay
Correct your spelling
they
might
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fase
Correct your spelling
face
in future.
For Example
, in the USA, State
department
Capitalize word
Department
show examples
of
justisc
Correct your spelling
Justice
studies
shown
Add a missing verb
have shown
show examples
that crime increased
fifity
Correct your spelling
fifteen
persent
Correct your spelling
per cent because
becasue
of
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
games
. The
vible
Correct your spelling
vital
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
for
this
issue is that parents have to watch
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
beheviouer
Correct your spelling
behaviour
and take
helps
Change the wording
help
bits of help
show examples
from the consular if they see any change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
beheviour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
and they have to provide
Correct article usage
a firendly
show examples
firendly atmosphare
Correct your spelling
friendly atmosphere
at home.
Furthermore
,
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
eductions
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
can
be solve
Change the verb form
solve
show examples
this
problem if they get
Correct your spelling
guidance
guidenc
Correct your spelling
guidance
from their teacher at school and they know what is right and wrong and discuss
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
totuters
Correct your spelling
teachers
.
For instance
,
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
survey
conduct
Wrong verb form
conducted
show examples
by the
unversity
Correct your spelling
university
of
oxfood
Change the capitalization
Oxfood
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
found crime is
increaseing
Correct your spelling
increasing because
becasue
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers can not
contral
Correct your spelling
control
their emotions when they
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
games
. In conclusion,
although
crimes are increasing in
juvinal
Correct your spelling
juveniles
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can
be control
Change the verb form
be controlled
show examples
through
awaerness
Correct your spelling
awareness
and
gudience
Correct your spelling
guidance
. The parents
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
closely watch
thier
Correct your spelling
their
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
beheviour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
and teachers have to teach about what
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
consequance
Correct your spelling
consequences
consequence
when they offend.
Submitted by parvinkumar0794 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
The essay's main ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. Consider elaborating on each point with more detail and ensuring that ideas are fully developed.
improvement
Pay attention to grammatical errors and spelling mistakes; these can detract from the clarity of your essay. Use tools or resources to help with proofreading.
improvement
While you have an introduction and conclusion, ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points.
positive
The attempt to provide a structured response with introduction and conclusion is noted. Keep working on developing a clear thesis and reinforcing it throughout the essay.
positive
Providing specific examples, like the example from the USA, helps to illustrate your points. Ensure these examples are accurate and relevant.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays:

    Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

    Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
    Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!