"Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level. Others believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to pay for their education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

There is no denying the fact that some
people
think the
government
should pay for their
education
but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
.
While
it is a commonly held belief that,
people
who prefer to let the
government
pay for them
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think that it is not their responsibility to pay, there is
also
an argument that, there is
also
people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
it is
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's
show examples
responsibility to pay for themselves.
This
essay will analyse
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, many
people
from different levels think that they must not pay for their
education
.
In other words
, they think that if the
government
want to improve the country they must pay their
education
bill.
In addition
, I know many intelligent folks who can not pay for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
education
.
For example
, my brother
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is one of the smartest guys
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I have ever known but he can not afford money for
the
Change the word
his
show examples
education
so he is staying at home right now without doing anything.
On the other hand
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
many
people
who want to pay just for
education
.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
show examples
also
possible to say that, they think if the human being
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
to have a certificate he should pay.
Moreover
,
also
when I was
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
I saw many of my rich friends complete their
education
at the best
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
around the world just because they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
enough money. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that, the
government
should invest in smart
people
because it is not their fault if they do not have enough money.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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task achievement
Address each argument more comprehensively. Your essay discusses both views but lacks enough detail and depth in the reasoning behind each perspective.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clear. Use simple and precise language to convey your points.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your main points. For instance, include more detailed examples of how government-funded education has benefited individuals and society, or how self-funded education might instill a greater sense of responsibility.
coherence cohesion
Structure your paragraphs to enhance coherence. Each paragraph should deal with a single idea or point to maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Use transition words and phrases effectively.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction presents the issue clearly and outlines the two perspectives that will be discussed.
introduction conclusion
You have provided a conclusion that states your opinion, which summarizes the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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