IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level. Others believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to pay for their education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

#people #government #education #level #responsibility #individuals
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There is no denying the fact that some
people
Use synonyms
 think the
government
Use synonyms
 should pay for their
education
Use synonyms
 but
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that,
people
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 who prefer to let the
government
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 pay for them
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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think that it is not their responsibility to pay, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that, there is
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 it is
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's
show examples
 responsibility to pay for themselves.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 from different levels think that they must not pay for their
education
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, they think that if the
government
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 want to improve the country they must pay their
education
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 bill.
In addition
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, I know many intelligent folks who can not pay for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
education
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, my brother
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is one of the smartest guys
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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I have ever known but he can not afford money for
the
Change the word
his
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 so he is staying at home right now without doing anything.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 who want to pay just for
education
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.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
show examples
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that, they think if the human being
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to have a certificate he should pay.
Moreover
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,
also
Linking Words
 when I was
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
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 I saw many of my rich friends complete their
education
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 at the best
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 around the world just because they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 enough money. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that, the
government
Use synonyms
 should invest in smart
people
Use synonyms
 because it is not their fault if they do not have enough money.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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task achievement
Address each argument more comprehensively. Your essay discusses both views but lacks enough detail and depth in the reasoning behind each perspective.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clear. Use simple and precise language to convey your points.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your main points. For instance, include more detailed examples of how government-funded education has benefited individuals and society, or how self-funded education might instill a greater sense of responsibility.
coherence cohesion
Structure your paragraphs to enhance coherence. Each paragraph should deal with a single idea or point to maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Use transition words and phrases effectively.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction presents the issue clearly and outlines the two perspectives that will be discussed.
introduction conclusion
You have provided a conclusion that states your opinion, which summarizes the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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