IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
The idea that
universities
 should accept equal numbers of male and female
students
 in every subject is a topic of considerable debate in modern
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. I
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 because in my opinion
universities
 should give a fair chance
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in each subject
due to
 they must choose the subjects that they
interests
Wrong verb form
interested
show examples
 in without seeing the
gender
.
Universities
 must make a strict exam to increase their
universities
’s
acception
Correct your spelling
acceptance
 rate to look for potential
students
according to
 their talents and interests.
However
, different fields often attract varying levels of interest from men and women
due to
 societal factors, cultural norms, or personal preferences.
For example
,
such
 as science, technology, engineering, and
athematics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
 subjects have historically seen more male
students
,
while
 the humanities and social sciences have often attracted more women.
While
 it is crucial to address
gender
 disparities by encouraging broader participation, especially through initiatives like outreach programs and scholarships, forcing equal numbers could mask underlying issues
instead
 of addressing them directly. But,
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 it would be a shame if
universities
 chose their prospective
students
according to
gender
 because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 the future,
students
 will choose jobs that can give salary for their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 without looking
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 jobs
suit
Correct pronoun usage
that suit
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
Overall
,
while
gender
 in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
pro
Fix the agreement mistake
pros
show examples
 and contra, the quota that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 for
gender
 in university admissions in every subject will not be
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 solution to
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passionate
students
 in their careers. A more balanced approach is to encourage equal opportunities
while
 allowing individual merit and interest to guide admission decisions.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure subject-verb agreement and avoid minor grammatical errors for better clarity.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the task achievement.
coherence
Include more transitional phrases and logical connectors to improve the flow of ideas and coherence.
coherence
Revise the introduction and conclusion to more strongly state the overall stance and effectively summarize the arguments.
task achievement
The essay contains clear main points and attempts to address the prompt adequately.
coherence cohesion
A commendable effort to compare different fields of study and analyze societal and cultural factors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: