Some people work for the same organization all their life. Others think that it is better to work for different organization. Discuss both views and gives your opinion.
There are two types of
people
based on their career journey choice. First is people
who work
for the same organization
all their life. Second is people
who varied their organization
. In my opinion, it is better to have variation rather always
Correct word choice
than always
work
for the same organization
. Experiencing different organization
will give different Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
set
of Fix the agreement mistake
sets
skills
and broader
community.
Each Correct article usage
a broader
organization
have their own value and principal which requires different
set of Add an article
a different
skills
to adapt. Some companies require more office meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
while
others prefer to use
Verb problem
apply
work
from house. If we have all the experience we will have the skills
to adapt at
different situations. Change preposition
to
While
Correct word choice
People
people
who choose to always work
for same
Add an article
the same
a same
organization
will have one skill to be more precise and sharp
Having more organization
means we will meet different communities
on
the process. Even the same working areas could have different Change preposition
in
communities
. Example
, company A sells Change preposition
For example
Add an article
a bicycle
bicycle
to high-end rich customers, Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
while
company B prefer
lower-middle Change the verb form
prefers
costumer
to be their main target. Having different organizations will Correct your spelling
customer
broader
our view and we can have more Replace the word
broaden
choice
on what Fix the agreement mistake
choices
people
we want to focus on. Meanwhile for
Change preposition
apply
people
who choose to focus on one organization
, they will have more focus and more time for the organization
he
choose.
Each decisions have their own advantages and disadvantages. In my Correct pronoun usage
they
opinion
it is better to have more organizations because it will give more set of Add a comma
opinion,
skills
and more communities
to talk to. However
it is important to take each Add a comma
However,
organization
an
enough time and not Remove the article
apply
moving
so fast between Wrong verb form
move
it
. So we can Correct pronoun usage
them
acquaire
the Correct your spelling
acquire
skills
and knows
the Correct subject-verb agreement
know
communities
.Submitted by amgahmedicaldoctor on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a more clearly defined structure. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is thoroughly developed.
task achievement
Be sure that you provide specific examples to support your main points. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using simple or repetitive sentence structures. Try to incorporate a variety of complex and compound sentences to demonstrate your language ability.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion by presenting both views on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay shows an understanding of the topic and provides an opinion with supporting reasons.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.