IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph illustrates the capacity of
people
 aged 65 and over from 1940 to 20240 in three
differenct
Correct your spelling
different
countries
such
 as Japan, Sweden and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. In 1940,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest population among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
countries
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 approximately 9% . It experienced a slight increase in 196 about 10%
then
 it rose drastically until 1980
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 15%. From 1985 to 2019 the American
people
 drop slightly under 15%. In the following year, it climbed dramatically around 23% which reached a pick
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
decade
Add an article
the decade
show examples
.
Initially
, Swedish roughly 8%
then
 experienced a small boost in 196 which about 7%
then
 it rose modestly until 14% in 1980. In the following year, it had a little decrease until 1985. Afterward, the population experienced a sharp increase between 1985 and 2018
then
 had a small fall until 2025. It touched the highest point about 25% in 2040. Japan, which
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest capacity of
people
 in 1940 around 5%
then
 touched the bottom in 1960. It experienced the number of
stabilize
Wrong verb form
stabilised
show examples
 from 1960 to 1985
then
 rose sharply between 1985 and 2040
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hit
Wrong verb form
hitting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 apex above 25% and
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge community of
people
 among the other
countries
.
Overall
, during the one century, Japan became the biggest human
beings
Fix the agreement mistake
being
show examples
 between two other
countries
. Meanwhile, American
people
 from the top in the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
then
 became the lowest
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
decade
Add an article
the decade
show examples
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, countries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • proportion
  • elderly
  • significant increase
  • surpass
  • gradual increase
  • crucial period
  • rapid increase
  • healthcare advancements
  • lower birth rates
  • projections
  • adjustments in social services
  • demographic dynamics
  • lifestyle choices
  • trends
  • notable
  • potentially
What to do next:
Look at other essays: