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Band 4.5

Some people think that volunteering should be a mandatory part of high school education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #part #school #education
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The idea of making volunteering a mandatory part of high school education has sparked considerable debate. Proponents argue that volunteering
instills
Change the spelling
instils
show examples
 essential values
such
 as empathy, teamwork, and social responsibility. It allows
students
 to engage with their communities, understand societal challenges, and develop practical skills that are beneficial in both personal and professional contexts. Volunteering experiences can
also
 enhance
students
’ resumes and college applications.
However
, critics contend that mandatory volunteering may lead to resentment among
students
, diminishing the genuine spirit of helping others. They argue that volunteerism should be a personal choice driven by passion and commitment, rather than an obligation imposed by educational institutions. In my opinion,
while
 voluntary participation is crucial, introducing structured opportunities for
students
 to engage in community service can be beneficial. Schools can create programs that allow
students
 to explore various areas of volunteering, promoting a culture of giving back without making it a requirement. By fostering a genuine interest in volunteering, educational institutions can encourage young people to develop a lifelong commitment to community service, ultimately contributing positively to society.
Submitted by sunnyjt62 on

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task achievement
Consider adding a few specific examples or case studies to better illustrate the points made. This will strengthen your arguments and provide more concrete evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Stronger linking words and phrases can enhance the flow and clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the issue, providing a clear stance in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the debate effectively, and the conclusion provides a thoughtful resolution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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