IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Government should spend money on railway rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or diasgree with this statement?

#government #money #railway #roads #diasgree
Today, many people believe that the government should focus more and take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 on maintaining and constructing railways
instead
 of roads. Personally, I disagree with
this
 statement because both
road
 and
railway
 services are equally important.
Firstly
,
trains
 are the most popular mode of
transportation
of
Change preposition
for
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 supplies and
capable
Add a missing verb
are capable
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 of carrying crowds efficiently.
For example
 , building materials and office employees are mostly transported via
trains
.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
railway
 tracks are more durable than roads and significantly reduce or diminish accidental rates.
As a result
, the cost of maintenance and risk of lives are minimized to a considerable extent and proved by the survey of Social Development authority through deep analysis.
Nevertheless
,
railway
transportation
 is inexpensive and reduces daily commuting time as
railway
transportation
 is traffic-free and quick.
On the other hand
, people will have to use separate times to book tickets and schedule their work
according to
 the train time.
This
 causes an imbalance in work life.
Furthermore
,
road
transportation
such
 as taxis,cars and buses are more convenient and comfortable.
For instance
, individuals are unable to reach the doorstep
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
trains
whereas
 personal vehicles or buses are able to and provide luxurious seating with more privacy and comfort. At the same time,
road
transportation
 generates a greater income
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the government through tickets and taxes compared to
trains
 and
this
 will lead to a skyrocketed economy which contributes to
overcome
Change the verb form
overcoming
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 poor infrastructure facilities like health care and education. In conclusion, even though
railway
transportation
 supports transporting
of
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apply
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supplies,
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 maintenance
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 security rates
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, money should be spent
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
road
transportation
 too
due to
 its greater revenue gained , convenience and comfortability.
Submitted by Witharana Senesh Rasinda Wickramasinghe on

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task achievement
Ensure that you thoroughly address both aspects of the topic: the importance of railway and road services. While the essay touches on both, it leans slightly more towards the advantages of railway services without equally discussing the importance of road services.
coherence/cohesion
Avoid small grammatical errors and improve sentence variety. For example, use transitional phrases more often to connect your ideas smoothly (e.g., 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' 'However,' etc.).
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and supported with specific examples, which strengthens your essay.
coherence/cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively outline and summarize your position.
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