IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying thing they do not need and cannot afford. What is the reason for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

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These days a lot of
people
Use synonyms
bought
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 they do not need and cannot afford. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
behaviour
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 they think they need. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue
people
Use synonyms
 need to be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 what they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
really need.
People
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in reccent
show examples
reccent
Correct your spelling
recent
 days bought many
things
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 they are
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
behaviour
Use synonyms
 depends on many factors.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 influenced by advertisements, so when they
are seen
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 or
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media they think they
are need
Change the verb form
are needed
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 just like buying
things
Use synonyms
 when they are in
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 mood or in
difficult
Add an article
a difficult
show examples
 situation.
For example
Linking Words
, a study at Harvard University shows that
people
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
binge buying
Add a hyphen
binge-buying
show examples
 when they have a bad time. Buyer
behaviour
Use synonyms
 depends on their mood and what they see
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media and advertisements.  To handle
this
Linking Words
 issue
people
Use synonyms
 need to be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 what they buying and when. Some
people
Use synonyms
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to someone
experts
Fix the agreement mistake
expert
show examples
 in buying
behaviour
Use synonyms
 to ask him
help
Change preposition
for help
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend when he was in
the
Change the word
his
show examples
 early twenties
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffered
show examples
 in his financial status because he was
debt
Change preposition
in debt
show examples
 to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 he
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not really need. Another solution, banks need to change their policies regarding debt.
To sum up
Linking Words
, some individuals get into debt by buying
things
Use synonyms
 they do not really need and cannot replace. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
behaviour
Use synonyms
 it
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 anything they
seen
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 in advertisements or
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media and others
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 when they
are be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 in critical
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue
people
Use synonyms
 need to be aware and go to experts person to help them in their financial status.

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Examples should be detailed and directly related to the main idea discussed in each paragraph.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are developed more clearly and comprehensively. This will ensure that the reader can easily understand your point of view and follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Aim for stronger coherence and cohesion by using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This helps to achieve a natural flow and makes your essay more readable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting points are logically organized around that idea.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear effort to respond to the task by discussing both the reasons for the behavior and the actions that can be taken to prevent it.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, providing a framework for the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumerism
  • Impulsive purchasing
  • Financial literacy
  • Debt management
  • Budgeting skills
  • Credit facilities
  • Emotional spending
  • Therapeutic shopping
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Credit card debt
  • Financial education
  • Social status
  • Retail therapy
  • Economic behavior
  • Spending patterns
  • Compulsive buying
  • Financial solvency
  • Advertising influence
  • Societal expectations
  • Long-term consequences
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