Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer game, however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #tv #computer #game #abilities

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays we facing the era of technology,

Use synonyms

children

Correct word choice

and children

show examples

prefer

Add the particle

prefer to

show examples

spend a long period

Change preposition

show examples

their leisure time on

Use synonyms

and playing with

technologies

Fix the agreement mistake

technology

show examples

devises

Correct your spelling

devices

show examples

. Some people believe that it is limited their mental capabilities

whereas

Linking Words

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

do not. In my opinion, I

stronly

Correct your spelling

strongly

agree with the nation

due to

Linking Words

several reasons.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

spenting

Correct your spelling

spending

a long time with computer game gadgets and

Use synonyms

showes

Correct your spelling

shows

will escape

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

essential

habitis

Correct your spelling

habits

such

Linking Words

as physical

acitivites

Correct your spelling

activities

. The

out door

Correct your spelling

outdoor

show examples

activity plays a significant role

Change preposition

show examples

maintaing

Correct your spelling

maintaining

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

health

such

Linking Words

as playing on the grass and

swiming

Correct your spelling

swimming

Moreover

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

and smartphones can

adversly

Correct your spelling

adversely

affect their medical health

due to

Linking Words

the

artifical

Correct your spelling

artificial

lighting system

result

Wrong verb form

resulting

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

eye-problems

Correct your spelling

eye problems

show examples

migrante

Correct your spelling

migraine

headache

Fix the agreement mistake

headaches

show examples

and obesity. A recent research

proof

Replace the word

proves

show examples

that

children

Use synonyms

with multiple vision

illneses

Correct your spelling

illnesses

illness

were to

used

Change the verb

use

show examples

the technologies devise more than 4 hours.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, technology has a huge impact on the quality of social communication skills.

Furthermore

Linking Words

spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

a long time at home watching

Use synonyms

and playing computer games will

diminished

Change the verb form

diminish

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

face-to-face communication. The reduction

Change preposition

show examples

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

intercation

Correct your spelling

interaction

interactions

might show a detrimental

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

personality

Fix the agreement mistake

personalities

show examples

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, the

confidient

Correct your spelling

confident

confidence

level and eye contact can reduced with the new generation

due to

Linking Words

low communication experience.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the violent clips in some

Use synonyms

shows are able to affect

children

Use synonyms

and

adolescent

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescents

show examples

behavior and

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

to be more

aggresive

Correct your spelling

aggressive

. In conclusion,

The

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technologies

Replace the word

technological

show examples

development

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a significant impact on the new generations.

However

Linking Words

, they are able to reduce their mental

intelligent

Replace the word

intelligence

show examples

due to

Linking Words

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle with several medical issues and lower their social interaction levels.

Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on Mon Sep 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay covers the main ideas relevant to the topic, but make sure to include more specific examples to support your arguments. Try to diversify examples and make them directly relate to each point you are making.

coherence cohesion

Review your paragraphing and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Work on sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences. Breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can help readability and clarity.

task achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the task by presenting clear arguments about the negative impact of excessive screen time on children.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion which neatly frame your essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay generally follows a logical structure with points organized in a clear manner. This makes your arguments easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities in a process known as urban migration. What are some of the reasons for this? What might be the future effects if this trend continues? You should You should spend around 40 minutes on this task. Your Task Two Answer:
Nowadays, many people have moved to cities in order to get a better education or job opportunities, due to variety of chances there. This development benefits people by giving them lots of options, as well enhance their education. However, that can affect the balance in urban places and individual general health.
7.5
band
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While some people believe that competition can help children strive in their adult lives, others think that it is better to teach them how to cooperate with others. Although competition may lead to the preparation for children’s future work because it embeds employable skills in them, I think the ability to collaborate effectively with others would be more important because workers need teamwork skills in order to attain their goals.
4.5
band
You recently had some items shipped to you from overseas. Upon receiving the shipment you found that some things were damaged in transit. Write a letter to the manager of the shipping company. In your letter Provide the details of your shipment Describe the damage Say what actions you want the company to take
I would like to write a letter to you to lend cost , my scholar, I hope this letter find you good healthy and I need your help to approve what I mean.
8
band
Across the world, local shops are closing due to losing customers to online competitors. What problems does this produce? And what solutions can you suggest to overcome them?
The usage of new technology in the education sector has surged in recent times and prioritized over the conventional method of teaching to a large number of pupils. Contemporary technology in teaching is very convenient and time-saving for students as well as for teachers. The primary advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon are discussed in the following passages.
4.5
band
In many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Due to globalization and majorly the cities are improving in terms of development and facilities across the world, public are moving from rural areas to downtown.

Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer game, however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities in a process known as urban migration. What are some of the reasons for this? What might be the future effects if this trend continues? You should You should spend around 40 minutes on this task. Your Task Two Answer:

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Across the world, local shops are closing due to losing customers to online competitors. What problems does this produce? And what solutions can you suggest to overcome them?

In many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience