Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer game, however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #tv #computer #game #abilities

Nowadays we facing the era of technology,

children

Correct word choice

and children

show examples

prefer

Add the particle

prefer to

show examples

spend a long period

Change preposition

show examples

their leisure time on

and playing with

technologies

Fix the agreement mistake

technology

show examples

devises

Correct your spelling

devices

show examples

. Some people believe that it is limited their mental capabilities

whereas

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

do not. In my opinion, I

stronly

Correct your spelling

strongly

agree with the nation

due to

several reasons.

To begin

with,

spenting

Correct your spelling

spending

a long time with computer game gadgets and

showes

Correct your spelling

shows

will escape

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

essential

habitis

Correct your spelling

habits

such

as physical

acitivites

Correct your spelling

activities

. The

out door

Correct your spelling

outdoor

show examples

activity plays a significant role

Change preposition

show examples

maintaing

Correct your spelling

maintaining

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

health

such

as playing on the grass and

swiming

Correct your spelling

swimming

Moreover

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

and smartphones can

adversly

Correct your spelling

adversely

affect their medical health

due to

the

artifical

Correct your spelling

artificial

lighting system

result

Wrong verb form

resulting

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

eye-problems

Correct your spelling

eye problems

show examples

migrante

Correct your spelling

migraine

headache

Fix the agreement mistake

headaches

show examples

and obesity. A recent research

proof

Replace the word

proves

show examples

that

children

with multiple vision

illneses

Correct your spelling

illnesses

illness

were to

used

Change the verb

use

show examples

the technologies devise more than 4 hours.

On the other hand

, technology has a huge impact on the quality of social communication skills.

Furthermore

spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

a long time at home watching

and playing computer games will

diminished

Change the verb form

diminish

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

face-to-face communication. The reduction

Change preposition

show examples

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

intercation

Correct your spelling

interaction

interactions

might show a detrimental

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

personality

Fix the agreement mistake

personalities

show examples

Nevertheless

, the

confidient

Correct your spelling

confident

confidence

level and eye contact can reduced with the new generation

due to

low communication experience.

Moreover

, the violent clips in some

shows are able to affect

children

and

adolescent

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescents

show examples

behavior and

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

to be more

aggresive

Correct your spelling

aggressive

. In conclusion,

The

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technologies

Replace the word

technological

show examples

development

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a significant impact on the new generations.

However

, they are able to reduce their mental

intelligent

Replace the word

intelligence

show examples

due to

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle with several medical issues and lower their social interaction levels.

Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on Mon Sep 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay covers the main ideas relevant to the topic, but make sure to include more specific examples to support your arguments. Try to diversify examples and make them directly relate to each point you are making.

coherence cohesion

Review your paragraphing and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Work on sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences. Breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can help readability and clarity.

task achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the task by presenting clear arguments about the negative impact of excessive screen time on children.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion which neatly frame your essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay generally follows a logical structure with points organized in a clear manner. This makes your arguments easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
many high level of positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than fifty percent female. compnies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
Men are occupying C-level jobs in different organizations, while the number of employed women in industrialized countries is almost higher than 50%. However, Firms should be provided a specific proportion of high-level positions for ladies too. I completely agree to give women opportunities in these superior positions as well as men . I shall put forth my arguments to support my views in the following paragraphs.
8.5
band
You accidentally left an important item while checking out of a hotel. Please write a letter to the hotel manager and ask him/her to send the item back to you. In your letter provide the details of your stay; describe the item you left behind; tell the hotel manager how to return it to you.
I hope this letter finds you well. I recently had the pleasure of staying at your hotel during my business trip in Tokyo, and I am writing regarding a personal item that I accidentally left behind while checking out.
7
band
You are a member of a international students club. The club is organizing an event to celebrate poplar foods around the world. Write a letter to the event organizer, Lucis Offer to make a poplar dish from your country Describe what this dish is Explain why it should be included in event
I am writing this letter in relation to the event which is organized on July, 10, 2024 at sunset point by our club. It will be fascinating to taste the various popular foods from different nations. I also want to be a contestant and thinking of presenting the most delicious dish from Punjab, Channa Batura. 99% of Indians are big fans of this meal.
6
band
Despite better access to education, some adults are not able to read or write. What are the main disadvantages of this? What can be done to solve this problem?
The destiny of the majority of people is hinged on the level of knowledge. Education plays a pivotal role in success while low or no literacy levels create troubles among some adults. Being unable to deal with technology is a common drawback that the majority of people have to confront in society. With the development of technology, we should be concerned about introducing simple concepts to make them ease regarding this issue.
7
band
Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree?
In this contemporary era, modern technology has replaced almost everything in people's everyday life. Some people argue that paying too much attention to and maintaining public libraries is a waste of money, as the newest computers can replace their functions. Personally, I disagree with that position, as local libraries can contribute to the development of the nation's culture. However, local libraries are at the heart of the nation's culture. Libraries, in their own right, mean much more than a place for reading, especially for elderly people. Some people prefer to visit the library not only to borrow a book or just to read, but also to interact with other individuals. For instance, old-fashioned people still visit the library with a purpose to socialize with others. Meanwhile, libraries are crucial for some nations. For instance, in Bulgaria, all the cultural activities on special days take place in the libraries as a symbol of culture. Furthermore, modern technology provides a s...

Children spend a lot of time watching TV and playing computer game, however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

many high level of positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than fifty percent female. compnies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

You accidentally left an important item while checking out of a hotel. Please write a letter to the hotel manager and ask him/her to send the item back to you. In your letter provide the details of your stay; describe the item you left behind; tell the hotel manager how to return it to you.

You are a member of a international students club. The club is organizing an event to celebrate poplar foods around the world. Write a letter to the event organizer, Lucis Offer to make a poplar dish from your country Describe what this dish is Explain why it should be included in event

Despite better access to education, some adults are not able to read or write. What are the main disadvantages of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree?