IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. To what extent do you agree?

#people #teenagers #subjects #school #focus
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According to
 some people's opinion, the most preferable system is where pupils ought to impartially learn all
subjects
,
while
 others believe that for
students
 more necessary
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to focus on
one
 specific subject.
This
 essay will discuss both views and give my personal standpoint in detail. On the
one
 hand, there are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why youth should spend time on a variety of
subjects
 that the school system offers.
One
 reason is that
students
 have the chance to be exposed to basic knowledge from various domains, which creates a solid foundation for them in their adulthood.
For instance
, math teaches
students
 basic calculation skills, which is beneficial for the aspect about their personal financial management later in life. Another justification is that many children are still in the process of developing their identity, so they need more time and opportunities to experience different
subjects
 before deciding whether they are passionate about
one
 subject or not.
On the other hand
, Some individuals believe that teenagers must specialise their abilities
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the subject that they are skilful at or they feel the most interest. In
such
 circumstances, having an area of expertise can be done in
vocational
Correct article usage
a vocational
show examples
 high school.
For instance
, a vocational high school student majoring in pharmacy should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
focus on chemistry and biology.
Nevertheless
,
students
 have to learn other basic lessons like
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
, civic education, or other
subjects
.
To conclude
,
although
 studying only
subjects
 that they find interesting is beneficial, I believe that teenagers should pay the same attention to all
subjects
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response to the task and the ideas are clear, adding more relevant and specific examples can strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Ensure that the main points are consistently supported with detailed information to enhance the persuasiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more transitional phrases and connectors to ensure smooth flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer’s argument.
task achievement
The writer addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion before presenting their personal standpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • versatile skill set
  • personal development
  • future career opportunities
  • identify strengths
  • satisfying career
  • successful career
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • academic burnout
  • diverse curriculum
  • learning experience
  • engaging and stimulating
  • solid grounding
  • well-rounded individuals
  • diverse conversations
  • different perspectives
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