some people believe that old people should live in unrsing homes. Others say they would be better off with their families. Consider the pros and cons and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there has been an increase in the number of older
people
living in nursing
homes
.
However
, in spite of
this
, it is often said that it is the family that should take care of its elder members.
Although
both of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
patterns have pros and cons, I believe that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
should live with their
families
. Living in nursing
homes
can have significant benefits. First and foremost, nurses can provide complex help throughout the day. Taking care of older
people
is very
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
,
therefore
, not all
families
have enough time to do it;
however
, in the nursing
homes
the crew is there to assist their patients daily, so they have always had a feeling of safety.
Furthermore
, nursing
homes
can have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact on
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
life
of older
people
. Since
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
live there with other patients that have similar
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
, they can
easy
Change the word
easily
show examples
find common topics of conversation or hobbies they may share.
On the other hand
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
the advantages of living with
families
can easily outweigh the
one’s
Change the noun form
ones
one
show examples
from nursing
homes
. What is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most important,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
are able to spend time with their
children
and grandchildren. Family plays a key role in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
thus
, the opportunity to be a part of the family may be a factor that will be a source of real happiness for elders.
Additionally
, older
people
also
can take
a
Change the article
an
show examples
active part in
Correct article usage
the family’s
show examples
family’s
Change noun form
family
show examples
life
.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
means that, regardless of their age they still can help their
children
in organising their daily
life
, like taking care of grandchildren, cooking,
cleaning
Correct word choice
and cleaning
show examples
the house. In conclusion,
although
nursing
homes
can be beneficial for elders in the meaning of developing the social
life
and maintaining the feeling of safety, to my mind it is much better for them to live with their
families
.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
older
people
will constantly have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
contact with their
children
and
gran
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
show examples
children
as well as
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
to take part in
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
show examples
activities of family
life
.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

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task achievement
Work on grammar accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement and plural forms.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence & cohesion
Improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs to create a smoother flow.
coherence & cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases like 'nursing homes' and 'elderly.' Use synonyms or pronouns to vary your language.
coherence & cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and provides arguments for both perspectives before delivering your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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