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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competitive sports are important for a child education, others think that it has negative effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #child #education #effects
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Sports
 could help children to experience a lot of stuff, and it opens a door for a lot of them to get into colleges,
and
Correct word choice
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sports
 could help you to be healthier and stronger with time, and
that's
Correct determiner usage
those's
show examples
 just a few good things about
sports
,
sports
 is a huge world filled with strong smart and great
people
 so I think competitive
sports
 are so important to the child. In my opinion, I don'
t
 understand
people
 who don'
t
 want
sports
 to be included in school, that would increase the number of fat
people
 in the world,
due to
 the fewer
people
 who are moving and doing
sports
,
this
 would be a really bad idea
,
Remove the comma
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show examples
 because some
people
 may have the talent but they won'
t
 know about it because they didn'
t
 do any
sports
 when they're young, so doing
sports
 is as important as any other subject.
Sports
 is one of the best things to do to have wanted to have fun,
also
, it helps you to be more healthy,
in addition
, when you do
sports
 you get a feeling you can not describe, especially when you are playing your favourite sport. Not doing
sports
 will increase the number of fat
people
, so I think there must be a lot of hard work for the younger students so they won'
t
 be lazy and hate to go out, doing
sports
 will give you a reason to go out and have fun with friends,
in addition
, you will get more
powerfull
Correct your spelling
powerful
 and stronger than ever, these are the very good reasons to do more
sports
 and move more, especially as a child .
Submitted by h9715823 on

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task response
While your essay provides a clear stance on the importance of sports, it is important to balance your discussion by presenting a more comprehensive view of the opposing side. This will provide a more thorough response to the task.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each main point is distinctly organized into separate paragraphs with topic sentences. This will help improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task response
Try to include specific examples or studies to back up your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay with distinct paragraphs. The introduction should clearly state what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a final opinion.
task response
The essay demonstrates a clear stance on the topic, advocating for the inclusion of competitive sports in education.
task response
The writing reflects enthusiasm and passion for the importance of sports in a child's education, which adds a strong personal voice to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • **Positive Aspects Vocabulary:**
  • Teamwork, cooperation, community, discipline, time management, physical health, combat obesity, resilience, coping skills, self-esteem, confidence, well-being
  • **Negative Aspects Vocabulary:**
  • Pressure, stress, anxiety, detrimental impact, time commitment, academic pursuits, risk of injury, severe injuries, unhealthy competition, aggression, unsportsmanlike behavior, burnout, lose interest, motivation
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