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Band 3

Some people argue that holding sporting events is beneficial to countrie's development. However ,other people hold the oppsite opinion. Discuss both view and give youe own opinion.

#people #events #countrie #development #oppsite #youe
There is an
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 that holding sporting activities
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
is good
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the countrie's
show examples
countrie's
Correct your spelling
country's
 improvement or not.I personally agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 having activities in
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
 area is necessary,and I will elaborate more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 essay. Some people may think we should focus more on other aspects than
in
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on
show examples
sport
.First of all,doing
a
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an
show examples
 amount of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events
waste
Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
show examples
 money in
buliding
Correct your spelling
building
 space.The original condition is having
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 enough big playground.So the government need to create a new one if
there
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they
show examples
 don't have
such
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 one.
Also
 cultivating coaches in different projects is
dramatical
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dramatic
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 and
huge
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a huge
show examples
 spend.Most
of
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apply
show examples
coaches are athletes out of the
first-line
Correct your spelling
first line
show examples
,
such
 as
table-tennis
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the table-tennis
show examples
 area ,Liu Guoliang is one of the
sample
Change to a plural noun
samples
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,he
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to have professional skills
while
 it
is cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 money. In my opinion, doing
sport
 plays an important part in
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
show examples
 development.Doing
sport
 is beneficial for people to have a great mood and a full spirit which
is provide
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 a positive atmosphere in
the
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apply
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society.
Besides
,employees have a great body through so that they can work harder and produce more new products.
Moreover
,students
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the future of
a countries
Correct the article-noun agreement
countries
a country
show examples
,if students don't have a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 body through
sporting
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
,they may fall out and the
countrie's
Correct your spelling
country's
 development
also
 fall. In conclusion,having
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 cost money,but it is significant to the improvement of countries in a nice community atmosphere and residents'
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task response
Your essay touches on key points for both sides of the argument. However, it would benefit from more developed paragraphs and clearer, more detailed examples for each point. This will help make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nevertheless, the logical flow needs improvement. Try to better connect your ideas within and between paragraphs for smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that all sentences support this point. Additionally, provide more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your arguments.
structure
Your essay is well organized with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task response
You have provided a balanced discussion by considering both views on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promoting national pride
  • boosting the economy
  • improving infrastructure
  • prohibitively expensive
  • long-term financial burdens
  • social and environmental disruptions
  • catalyze positive economic
  • careful planning and budget management
What to do next:
Look at other essays: