The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the shift in the percentage of market share among the three types.

#line #cost #films #show #shift #percentage #market #three

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The graph illustrates the price for different

movie

Use synonyms

sources

while

Linking Words

the charts give information about the proportion of value share among these sources from 2005 to 2011. It can clearly be seen from the line graph that

movie

Use synonyms

theatres continued to be the most expensive throughout the given period. The pie charts show that online watching overtook

DVD

Use synonyms

renting as the highest percentage. The graph shows that

while

Linking Words

cinema and

DVD

Use synonyms

steadily increased, only legal downloads fluctuated over the recorded times but were able to surpass

DVD

Use synonyms

cost. Cinema tickets started in 2005 at around $9 and reached $14 in 2011, making

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

the highest.

Similarly

Linking Words

, priced at $6 in 2005,

DVD

Use synonyms

increased moderately to $8 in 2011.

Conversely

Linking Words

, online watching was at around $7 in 2005 but dropped to just below $4 in 2007.

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, it recovered and continued to increase significantly and surpassed

DVD

Use synonyms

in 2010. The pie charts show that

while

Linking Words

other

movie

Use synonyms

sources dropped, only legal downloads were able to increase drastically from only 5% to 56% in 2005 and 2011, respectively.

On the other hand

Linking Words

DVD

Use synonyms

renting fell hard, with a decrease from 59% in 2005 to 26% in 2011.

Likewise

Linking Words

movie

Use synonyms

theatres

also

Linking Words

dropped by almost a half from 36% to 18%.

Submitted by aribawadzaki on Tue Sep 24 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words movie, dvd with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

208 words

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