Influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solutions can you suggest?
Human consumption badly
effected on
nature and may lead to Verb problem
affects
reducing
of creatures. Replace the word
the reduction
This
essay argues the main causes of that problem and possible decisions. Wide range
production increases pollution on Earth which leads to troubles for animals and plants, Add a hyphen
Wide-range
in addition
, if people stop producing that trash, it might be possible to avoid that problem.
The population of people rocketed in last
decades, and that process Correct article usage
the last
leads
to Wrong verb form
led
producing
more and more products Replace the word
the production of
from
Change preposition
by
government
and factories side. It’s unreal to promote all Correct article usage
the government
that
goods without any pollution. Companies throw away rubbish to seas and oceans. Small piece of litter kills millions of ocean animals every year. Correct determiner usage
those
Furthermore
, the
carbon dioxide, which Correct article usage
apply
formed
when factories burn materials, Wrong verb form
forms
polluting
Wrong verb form
pollutes
air
. Correct article usage
the air
For instance
, the proportion of carbon dioxide in air
increased by 23% in Correct article usage
the air
last
5 years.
Regarding the solutions, individuals can ban all goods which are made Correct article usage
the last
by
harmful Change preposition
of
for
Change preposition
apply
nature
materials. Replace the word
natural
Plastic
badly influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
for
human skin, Change preposition
apply
also
creating this
material has critically
huge effect on nature. The process of burning and boiling Add an article
a critically
plastic
leads to promoting poison, which became to main reason of
Change preposition
for
extinction
of Correct article usage
the extinction
Cacadu
beard. Change noun form
Cacadu's
Moreover
, people can exchange plastic
with wood. Wood is natural
product. It has not got any effect on Add an article
a natural
environment
.
In conclusion, the problems with Add an article
the environment
loss
of Correct article usage
the loss
bio-diversity
may Correct your spelling
biodiversity
solve
if individuals stop Wrong verb form
be solved
to produce
materials Wrong verb form
producing
such
as plastic
. Therefore
, the causes of that troubles are consumption and overpopulating
.Replace the word
overpopulation
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt, but there are some areas that could be improved for a more complete response. For instance, while the introduction and conclusion are present, the arguments could be developed further with more concrete examples.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a logical structure and your paragraphs flow reasonably well. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Additionally, being more precise with your ideas would help in improving coherence.
general advice
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings in the essay. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and improving sentence structure could enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay begins with a clear introduction and outlines the primary causes and potential solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay with separate paragraphs for causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes with a clear summary that ties back to the main points discussed.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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