IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourages the business to move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

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In modern society, authorities suggest that enterprises should build their headquarters or factories in
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 outskirts since urban dwellers suffer from traffic congestion and rising house
price
Check wording
prices
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. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 change can bring more benefits than drawbacks to both city residents and business owners.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is no doubt that commuters waste a massive amount of time and energy on
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to work, reducing quality time with family and causing heavy traffic in rush hour. Relocating small businesses to the countryside allows employees to live in affordable housing nearby, significantly reducing commuting time and stress.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 boosts workplace productivity, benefiting both firms and corporations.
For example
Linking Words
, Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company builds its chip plants in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 of Taiwan and the United States, enabling its engineers to settle in these affordable communities.
This
Linking Words
 helps them become a stable and productive workforce, capable of producing high-quality, cutting-edge chips.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, critics argue that rural
urbanization
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urbanisation
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 destroys natural habitats and threatens biodiversity. Admittedly, constructing modern factories in underdeveloped
areas
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 inevitably replaces trees and ponds, making it impossible for wildlife to survive.
However
Linking Words
,
this
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 damage can be
minimized
Change the spelling
minimised
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 if governments collaborate with environmental specialists to work on animal relocation programs before construction begins. A prime example of
this
Linking Words
 is Singapore’s industrial development model, where the government mandates strict ecological assessments and the relocation of rare plant and animal species to protected conservation
areas
Use synonyms
 before any factory construction is approved. mandates ecological assessments and relocates rare plant and animal species to
pretect
Correct your spelling
protect
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 moving industries to rural
areas
Use synonyms
 impacts the environment, it is a necessary evil that can be managed by government regulations and the execution of wildlife relocation programs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the advantages of reduced worker stress and increased corporate profitability far outweigh the environmental drawbacks.

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task response
Make your main answer even more direct in the first part. Say very clearly that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one more bad point about moving business to the country, then show why it is less important. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Some ideas are strong, but a few parts are a bit too general. Explain a little more how city traffic and house price will improve.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. They are good, but do not add extra lines or unfinished parts, because this breaks the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body part has one clear main idea only. The second body part is clear, but the extra broken line hurts unity.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your examples are specific and help support your ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, with clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use cause and result well, such as stress, travel time, and work output.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic diversification
  • infrastructure strain
  • rural character
  • urban decongestion
  • environmental impact
  • economic stimulation
  • logistical challenges
  • commuting
  • work-life balance
  • cultural clashes
  • habitat destruction
  • rural depopulation
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