IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
These days in a lot of countries,
people
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in urban and
sub-urban
Correct your spelling
suburban
show examples
 are decided to move and migrate to
cities
 and
due to
this
 reason, the population of
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
is significantly decrease
Change the verb form
is significantly decreased
is significantly decreasing
show examples
, in
this
following
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
essay I will try to express my negative opinion with two main reasons. from my point of view, one of the important reasons,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would be
pollution
, if
cities
 have more population and
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
, they will be more polluted,
furthermore
due to
this
 reason the
people
 of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 who are native may
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experience low and poor quality in their living area. the
pollution
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may
be contain
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 Air
pollution
, Sound
pollution
, etc.
this
Capitalize word
This
show examples
 issue
also
 can impact on health of
people
 who are immigrating or have lived in that
are
Correct your spelling
area
show examples
 for so long time. the second main reason is energy consumption will dramatically increase and
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, the government should prepare more energy and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
human resources for
desired
Change the article
the desired
show examples
 city to
invent
Verb problem
avoid
show examples
 bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 which can be
also
 crucial.
for instance
, overusing cars and vehicles can
be caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 to consume more fuel in comparison with regular
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can affect on petrochemical industry
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
forced
Wrong verb form
forcing
show examples
 them to generate more fuel and
synthesis
Replace the word
synthesise
show examples
 more gasoline to resolve
this
 vital issue.
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overall
,
due to
 two main reasons:
pollution
 and energy consumption, I vigorously agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
immigrate
Wrong verb form
immigrating
show examples
 to the
cities
 area
instead
 of living or working in native urban
cities
 can
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
negative developments and issues, both for
people
 who are native and
people
 who are immigrate.
Submitted by mr.sadeghnezhadengineer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clear separation between paragraphs, with each paragraph dedicated to a single main idea. This will enhance readability and logical flow.
task achievement
Develop your points with a bit more detail and clarity. Make sure each main idea is fully articulated with supporting evidence and explanations.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task with relevant main ideas and supporting arguments. The stance on the topic is clearly negative and consistent.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples to illustrate points, such as the impact on pollution and energy consumption.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which provide a clear framework to the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: