Today, many people do not know their neighbors. Why is this?
The way of social interaction has recently been changing. One of them is social engagement among
neighborhoods
in the city. Commonly, Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
within
Change preposition
apply
people
who live together in the same area, they
do not know each other. Do we Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
in urban areas especially become more independent and not social beings?.
Change the punctuation
?
Few
reasons can be dependent factors that influence social phenomena. It could be because of longer commuting Correct article usage
A few
time
or lack of public facilities.
In a big city, the residence area is quite far from the working or business area. As a result
, people
need to spend more time
commuting each day. Then
, allocation
of Correct article usage
the allocation
time
for socializing especially with neighbors is reduced. Whenever there is free time
, people
prefer to take a rest or have quality time
with their family. Interaction with the next door
person would be deprioritized.
Lack of public facilities can be one of the pushing factors for Add a hyphen
next-door
this
issue. Landed
house is quite expensive and affects Correct article usage
A landed
house’s
price and size of the house. Correct article usage
the house’s
House
is getting smaller and does not have a guest room anymore. With high population density,it is important to have reliable public areas Correct article usage
The house
such
as parks, so there is a public space where people
can have a gathering. By having that, a community will be built and build
a bonding between them.
In conclusion, social phenomena will be related Verb problem
apply
with
what challenges that urban Change preposition
to
people
face. Government
needs to build infrastructure which can reduce commute Add an article
The government
time
and encourage community development. This
initiative will affect social issue
and discourage Fix the agreement mistake
issues
people
to be
independent.Change preposition
from being
Submitted by muhammad.andhitya on
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task achievement
To improve the Task Response score, offer more detailed and focused solutions for the identified issues. Currently, the solutions provided in the conclusion are quite broad and would benefit from specific, actionable steps.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing the coherence can be achieved by improving transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For example, the transition between the discussions of commuting time and public facilities could be smoother to maintain a consistent flow.
task achievement
Support your points with more concrete examples or statistics. For instance, include specific data on commuting times in urban areas or examples of cities where public facilities have successfully improved neighborly interactions.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies two major factors contributing to the issue: longer commuting times and lack of public facilities. This shows a decent understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through the essay logically and systematically.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph does a good job of summarizing the main points discussed in the body of the essay and suggests general solutions to the problem.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite