Today, many people do not know their neighbors. Why is this?

The way of social interaction has recently been changing. One of them is social engagement among
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
in the city. Commonly,
within
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
who live together in the same area,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not know each other. Do we
people
in urban areas especially become more independent and not social beings
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Few
Correct article usage
A few
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reasons can be dependent factors that influence social phenomena. It could be because of longer commuting
time
or lack of public facilities. In a big city, the residence area is quite far from the working or business area.
As a result
,
people
need to spend more
time
commuting each day.
Then
,
allocation
Correct article usage
the allocation
show examples
of
time
for socializing especially with neighbors is reduced. Whenever there is free
time
,
people
prefer to take a rest or have quality
time
with their family. Interaction with the
next door
Add a hyphen
next-door
show examples
person would be deprioritized. Lack of public facilities can be one of the pushing factors for
this
issue.
Landed
Correct article usage
A landed
show examples
house is quite expensive and affects
house’s
Correct article usage
the house’s
show examples
price and size of the house.
House
Correct article usage
The house
show examples
is getting smaller and does not have a guest room anymore. With high population density,it is important to have reliable public areas
such
as parks, so there is a public space where
people
can have a gathering. By having that, a community will be built and
build
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a bonding between them. In conclusion, social phenomena will be related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
what challenges that urban
people
face.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
needs to build infrastructure which can reduce commute
time
and encourage community development.
This
initiative will affect social
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
and discourage
people
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
independent.
Submitted by muhammad.andhitya on

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task achievement
To improve the Task Response score, offer more detailed and focused solutions for the identified issues. Currently, the solutions provided in the conclusion are quite broad and would benefit from specific, actionable steps.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing the coherence can be achieved by improving transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For example, the transition between the discussions of commuting time and public facilities could be smoother to maintain a consistent flow.
task achievement
Support your points with more concrete examples or statistics. For instance, include specific data on commuting times in urban areas or examples of cities where public facilities have successfully improved neighborly interactions.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies two major factors contributing to the issue: longer commuting times and lack of public facilities. This shows a decent understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through the essay logically and systematically.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph does a good job of summarizing the main points discussed in the body of the essay and suggests general solutions to the problem.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community engagement
  • social isolation
  • neighborhood watch
  • local initiatives
  • virtual interaction
  • privacy concerns
  • resident mobility
  • technological advancements
  • social media influence
  • work-life balance
  • busy personal schedules
  • community events
  • local residents
  • social interaction
  • community ties
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