The government’s investment in arts, music, and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The
government
resources are limited so it is important to ensure their way of spending wisely and consider public needs. Is it wise enough to spend
government
money on “important but not urgent” things
while
there are higher priorities
?.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Some argue that authority entities should support any cultural program
such
as art, music or
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
.
However
, I strongly believe to some extent that
government
has higher priorities,
such
as
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
sector
and
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
sector
Firstly
,
Government
resources are mandatory to spend on the
education
sector
. By law, the
Government
is required to provide good
education
facilities
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Building schools in rural areas, ensuring
education
workers get competitive salaries and providing a good curriculum for each
education
level.
As a result
, with limited resources, the
government
should prioritize
this
rather than arts, music or
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
at
this
moment.
Secondly
, our
health
care
is one of the issues
that is
talked about between
indonesian
Change the capitalization
Indonesian
show examples
people. They feel that our
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
facilities, which are good hospitals, good medical workers and medical tools, need to be improved.
Moreover
, their concern that there is inequality of access to
health
care
. There are some areas that lack
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
facilities.
By knowing
Change preposition
Knowing
show examples
this
, the
government
should invest more in
this
sector
.
At the end
, when we are talking about how the
government
spends it is talking about which sectors are priorities, and cultural things are not important recently. By allocating more budget
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
education
and
health
care
, it will not only increase the human development index in Indonesia but
also
empower society.
Submitted by muhammad.andhitya on

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task achievement
Try to extend your introduction to provide a clearer outline of the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly supports your thesis. This will improve the logical structure and flow of your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. This makes your essay more convincing and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have identified key areas where government funding should be prioritized and provided justification for this.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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