The government’s investment in arts, music, and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government’s #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services

The

government

resources are limited so it is important to ensure their way of spending wisely and consider public needs. Is it wise enough to spend

government

money on “important but not urgent” things

while

there are higher priorities

Change the punctuation

show examples

Some argue that authority entities should support any cultural program

such

as art, music or

theater

Change the spelling

theatre

show examples

However

, I strongly believe to some extent that

government

has higher priorities,

such

education

Correct article usage

the education

show examples

sector

and

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

sector

Firstly

Government

resources are mandatory to spend on the

education

sector

. By law, the

Government

is required to provide good

education

facilities

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

Building schools in rural areas, ensuring

education

workers get competitive salaries and providing a good curriculum for each

education

level.

As a result

, with limited resources, the

government

should prioritize

this

rather than arts, music or

theater

Change the spelling

theatre

show examples

this

moment.

Secondly

, our

health

care

is one of the issues

that is

talked about between

indonesian

Change the capitalization

Indonesian

show examples

people. They feel that our

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

facilities, which are good hospitals, good medical workers and medical tools, need to be improved.

Moreover

, their concern that there is inequality of access to

health

care

. There are some areas that lack

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

facilities.

By knowing

Change preposition

Knowing

show examples

this

, the

government

should invest more in

this

sector

At the end

, when we are talking about how the

government

spends it is talking about which sectors are priorities, and cultural things are not important recently. By allocating more budget

Change preposition

show examples

education

and

health

care

, it will not only increase the human development index in Indonesia but

also

empower society.

Submitted by muhammad.andhitya on Tue Sep 24 2024

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task achievement

Try to extend your introduction to provide a clearer outline of the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help guide the reader through your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly supports your thesis. This will improve the logical structure and flow of your essay.

task achievement

Add more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. This makes your essay more convincing and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.

task achievement

You have identified key areas where government funding should be prioritized and provided justification for this.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is well-organized into clear paragraphs.

coherence and cohesion

You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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