You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.
It is undeniable that the discussion of
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
age
of workers
has been an important topics
. Some Correct the article-noun agreement
topic
people
believe that since these days people
have a long live
, they should work a little longer. Replace the word
life
However
, others see it in a different light. In my view, working at an old age
will bring more drawbacks rather than benefits.
On one
hand, it is a fact that older employees have more Correct article usage
the one
experiences
and Fix the agreement mistake
experience
productivities
compared to the younger Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
generation
. This
is because the older generation
have
the opportunity to do it ahead of time because they Change the verb form
has
born
first compared to younger ones. Add a missing verb
were born
For example
, people
who born
in the 80s will reach working Add a missing verb
were born
age
first compare
to ones who Wrong verb form
compared
born
in the 90s. In short, because of their Add a missing verb
were born
age
, older people
have more experiences
and Fix the agreement mistake
experience
productivities
.
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
However
, make
the older employees keep working for the Wrong verb form
making
company
will become a problem for the younger generation
. With employers insist
on keeping the older Wrong verb form
insisting
workers
, job opportunities for younger people
will be reach
Change the verb form
reach
its
limits. When a Correct pronoun usage
their
company
insisting
on keeping their old Wrong verb form
insists
worker
doing a jobdesk
that actually could be done by Correct your spelling
job
younger
Add an article
a younger
worker
, Fix the agreement mistake
workers
for instance
, the younger worker
will lose their chance to gain experience because the job was already done by their senior
, Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
thus
the rate of youth unemployment will be high. In brief, with the senior workers
still in the company
, the junior worker
will lose their chances to gain experience and opportunity.
Besides
, delaying the retirement for
senior employees will Change preposition
of
also
bring another problem. The delay on
their retirement can affect their quality of life, especially their health both physically and mentally. Change preposition
in
For example
, there was a case where people
who still work at
their old Change preposition
in
age
developed diseases such
as high blood pressure and cardiac arrest because of workloads from the company
. In conclusion, extending older generations can affecting
their quality of life.
Change the form of the verb
affect
To conclude
, it is true that with older generation
virtue, they have more experiences
and Fix the agreement mistake
experience
productivities
compared to Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
younger
ones. Correct article usage
the younger
However
, if company
insist on keeping them, it will bring more problems. Their juniors will lose their chances to gain experience and working for a long period of time will Correct article usage
the company
also
affecting
the quality of life of the senior Change the form of the verb
affect
workers
, thus
the reasons why it brings more disadvantages rather than benefits.Submitted by anandeaadhity on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the issue and addresses both sides of the argument. However, to improve your task response, aim to give more detailed explanations and ensure each point is fully developed.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases and connectors to enhance the flow between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear, focused topic sentence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction succinctly sets up the topic and your position on it, which is excellent for setting the stage for your arguments.
relevant specific examples
You have appropriately used examples to support your points, such as discussing productivity and health impacts.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.