IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
I believe that living in a
country
 where people speak
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
language
 from
your
Correct pronoun usage
yours
show examples
 may cause serious problems even practical
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
. I strongly agree
wtih
Correct your spelling
with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will support my idea in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
paragarphs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
.
To begin
 with, if you have
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 level of
knowdelge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about the
language
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
country
 you live
, will
Change preposition
in, will
show examples
 make you poor at finding friends. As a matter of fact, as long as you have poor
language
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
country
 you live, people may misunderstand you.
For example
: my cousin went to India for treatment since his
language
 was not good enough, he faced too
much problem
Fix the agreement mistake
many problems
show examples
 to tell
doctor
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
show examples
 about his health issue not only that he lost himself
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 way back to
his
Change the word
the
show examples
 hotel he used to settle there and
finded
Correct your spelling
found
show examples
 it very hard.
Therefore
, when you do not
no
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 anything about the
language
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 you live
, you
Change preposition
in, you
show examples
 will deal with
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social issues
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 practical
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
.
Furthermore
, for those people who travel
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
oversea
Correct your spelling
overseas
show examples
 for work, they are going to face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
practical problems as well.
In other words
, you may not find the job you deserve and a great example of
this
 is my uncle who is
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
 and recently went to Canada through visa work but unfortunately his English was very bad, now he is a taxi driver and could not find a job at his profession. m In conclusion, living in a
country
 where
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
language
 is different from your native
language
 can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 of
porblems
Correct your spelling
problems
 as I
mention
Change the form of the verb
mentioned
show examples
 before.
Submitted by abdullahhabibi9999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve your essay's logical structure, try organizing your ideas in a clearer, more coherent manner. Create well-defined paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, clarify your points more fully and ensure all main ideas are relevant and well-supported. Providing a stronger conclusion that ties all points together can also help.
task achievement
Focus on improving grammar and spelling to make your essay more polished. Using complex sentences and varied vocabulary appropriately can also significantly boost your score.
task achievement
Your essay contains relevant examples, which help in illustrating your points clearly.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and Conclusion are present, which provides a framework for your essay.
task achievement
You've expressed clear, comprehensive ideas in your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: