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Band 5.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
In
this
 advanced world, the health standard of people tends to decline in the near future compared to today. I completely agree with
this
 statement because of the development in technology and bad eating habits. I will discuss more about
this
 in the upcoming paragraphs. Advancements in technology have impacted human lifestyles.
Consequently
, people are becoming lazier. They prefer using AI to get their work done
instead
 of moving their bodies.
For example
, to turn the light on, an individual can give instructions to artificial intelligence through an app on their phones or by voice recognition feature.
Moreover
, they can order
food
 online, which gets delivered to their doorstep.
Due to
 all
this
, WHO is asking the young generation to do exercise to keep the
body
 working. Another main reason is poor diet.
Food
 plays a vital role in human growth. These youngsters are so much addicted to outside
food
 that they are gaining weight.
Furthermore
, Street
food
 cannot balance the intake that the
body
 requires which leads to health problems like constipation, heart-related diseases, acid reflux and many more.
To conclude
, the high-tech era is adversely affecting the health of
this
 generation. To maintain a healthy
body
, people should start eating healthy and initiate working out to detox the
body
.
Submitted by chadhabhavika on

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coherence cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will help make your essay read more fluidly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task well, but try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This will help strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are very clear and well-structured. You clearly state your position and summarize your main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay is logically structured, and the main points are relevant to the task. You provided clear ideas that support your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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