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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #country #side #development
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These days many
people
Use synonyms
 are migrating from small towns to the metropolitans, resulting in a decrease in population density in the towns.
Therefore
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, many of us opine that
this
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 is a negative trend,
whereas
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, other
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 it is a positive trend.
However
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, I found the latter viewpoint more persuasive and reasons to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, those who are against
the
Correct article usage
apply
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migration opine that migrants might feel detached from their roots. In fact, sometimes individuals become emotionally vulnerable, because of staying away from
the
Change the word
their
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 loved ones.
However
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,
this
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 is not true in every case as
people
Use synonyms
priorities
Replace the word
prioritise
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 employment, which they can get in the
cities
Use synonyms
 with a little ease.
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who advocate
this
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 trend assert that
people
Use synonyms
 can meet basic needs by living in the
cities
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. As a matter of fact, generally, metropolitans are well equipped with amenities
such
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 as hospitals, schools, markets etc. that can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 day-to-day needs easily. To illustrate, in
India
Add a comma
India,
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 about 70 per cent of
population
Add an article
the population
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prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
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cities
Use synonyms
, because of
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
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 infrastructure.
Hence
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, metropolitans are the first choice to live in.
Moreover
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, there are ample employment opportunities in the urban areas. To elaborate, one can get employed easily,
according to
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 the demand of the labour market.
For example
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, In Delhi, about 42 per cent of the labourers are outsiders as they get jobs of
different
Correct article usage
a different
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 nature here.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 with
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 in their hands often leave rural settlements for the
cities
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.
To sum up
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, undoubtedly,
human
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humans
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is
Verb problem
apply
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a social
animal
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animals
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 and it is difficult to live away from the loved ones, but, when it comes to
meeting-up
Correct your spelling
meeting up
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 with the daily needs and employment
cities
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 are always
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 than
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 by the
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mrsdns on

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task achievement
Make sure that your ideas are fully developed and supported with specific examples. This will enhance the clarity and impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, which provides a clear roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • overcrowding
  • standard of living
  • depopulation
  • agriculture
  • traditional industries
  • educational facilities
  • healthcare facilities
  • social issues
  • community ties
  • neglect
  • spill-over effects
  • remittances
  • investments
What to do next:
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