IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world , rural people are moving to cities ,so the population in the country side is decreasing Do you think it is a positive or a negative development

These days many
people
Use synonyms
 are migrating from small towns to the metropolitans, resulting in a decrease in population density in the towns.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many of us opine that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend,
whereas
Linking Words
, other
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 it is a positive trend.
However
Linking Words
, I found the latter viewpoint more persuasive and reasons to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, those who are against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
migration opine that migrants might feel detached from their roots. In fact, sometimes individuals become emotionally vulnerable, because of staying away from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 loved ones.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not true in every case as
people
Use synonyms
priorities
Replace the word
prioritise
show examples
 employment, which they can get in the
cities
Use synonyms
 with a little ease.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who advocate
this
Linking Words
 trend assert that
people
Use synonyms
 can meet basic needs by living in the
cities
Use synonyms
. As a matter of fact, generally, metropolitans are well equipped with amenities
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals, schools, markets etc. that can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 day-to-day needs easily. To illustrate, in
India
Add a comma
India,
show examples
 about 70 per cent of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
, because of
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
 infrastructure.
Hence
Linking Words
, metropolitans are the first choice to live in.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are ample employment opportunities in the urban areas. To elaborate, one can get employed easily,
according to
Linking Words
 the demand of the labour market.
For example
Linking Words
, In Delhi, about 42 per cent of the labourers are outsiders as they get jobs of
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 nature here.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in their hands often leave rural settlements for the
cities
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, undoubtedly,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a social
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 and it is difficult to live away from the loved ones, but, when it comes to
meeting-up
Correct your spelling
meeting up
show examples
 with the daily needs and employment
cities
Use synonyms
 are always
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 than
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 by the
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure that your ideas are fully developed and supported with specific examples. This will enhance the clarity and impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, which provides a clear roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • overcrowding
  • standard of living
  • depopulation
  • agriculture
  • traditional industries
  • educational facilities
  • healthcare facilities
  • social issues
  • community ties
  • neglect
  • spill-over effects
  • remittances
  • investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: