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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, students live at their home with a family while they study at university, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do the advantages of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #students #home #study #university #city
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In some places, learners live with their parents during their studies,
while
 in other countries students go to university in another city. Living far away from home can develop self-dependence in students.
On the other hand
, youngsters might not be ready
for spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
 their money mindfully.
This
 essay will discuss both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of being
further
 away from home
while
 studying.
To begin
 with, settling in away from family will require a sense of responsibility for your expenses. Some people who have never lived on their own will spend their money mindlessly on hanging out with their friends and on eating local food in cafes, and after that, they won’t be able to afford simple living expenses until the end of the month.
For example
, a survey in Hong Kong International University’s dorm showed that 32% of students there said that they spend all of their money given for a month in two weeks. On the other side, young people will know how to live independently. They will not stay with their families forever anyway, so it is better for them to learn to reside on their own and develop their sense of responsibility.
For instance
, research made by BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
 showcased that youngsters who have experienced
life
 away from their hometown are more likely to adapt to adulthood responsibilities. In conclusion, living
far-off
Correct your spelling
far off
show examples
 from your home
while
 learning can teach youngsters how to be in charge of their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, meanwhile, it
also
 comes with the drawback of financial illiteracy. In my opinion, it is better to let your kids prepare for adult
life
 rather than
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 them with you until the rest of their
life
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure of your arguments by providing more detailed transitions and connections between paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your points effectively.
task achievement
Elaborate on your ideas further to make them clearer and more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of living away from home during university, addressing the task fully.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, framing the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters independence
  • self-reliance
  • essential life skills
  • cultural backgrounds
  • academic performance
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • financially burdensome
  • homesickness
  • emotional stress
  • mental health
  • familial support
  • isolation and loneliness
  • stable and supportive environment
What to do next:
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