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Band 5

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitariyen relief during natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?

#nations #countries #humanitariyen #relief #disasters
It is argued that rich
countries
 must support the poor ones with
humanitariyen
Correct your spelling
humanitarian
 help in case of a natural
catastrophy
Correct your spelling
catastrophe
.
This
 essay agrees with that because wealthy
countries
 can afford it and some of these disasters are caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy nations.
To begin
 with, it is of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
paramount importance to be aware that wealthy nations with a stable financial phase will not be affected by helping a country in need.
Due to
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 access to a very important amount of
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
, volunteers and
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
 as doctors,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
countries
 will not be affected financially. As a wealthy country, it is important to show solidarity in emergencies to those who need it the most. It is publicly known that most
countries
 with a high status send
immediatlly
Correct your spelling
immediately
immediate
 help in past
catastrophies
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
 like the
earthquacke
Correct your spelling
earthquake
 in
morrocco
Correct your spelling
morocco
Morrocco
last
 year and the flood in other poor
countries
.
Moreover
, it is
noticibale
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that in the
last
 few
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the number and level of
catastrophies
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
catastrophic
 decreased dramatically because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that wealthy
countries
 are usually the most
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by
catastrophies
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
, they are not the ones that
influenced
Add a missing verb
are influenced
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the majority of the time
this
globale
Correct your spelling
global
 warming.
Lastly
,
countries
 that are rich
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a result of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 development that sadly sometimes
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the world negatively with the result of a
catastrophese
Correct your spelling
catastrophe
catastrophes
 in
countries
 that are the least prepared for it. In conclusion, it should be an obligation for the wealthiest nations to support and send help to poor
countries
 in emergencies. It would not be an issue affording the
humanitarien
Correct your spelling
humanitarian
 aid as it is important to focus on the fact that they contributed
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the cause of
this
catastrophies
Correct your spelling
catastrophe
catastrophes
.
Submitted by ouazilhakima010 on

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task achievement
Revise the essay for spelling errors and typos. Words like 'humanitariyen,' 'catastrophy,' and 'noticibale' should be corrected.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen arguments. Mention specific instances where wealthy nations offered humanitarian aid effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You might want to use more transitional phrases and connectors to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Some points lack depth and need further explanation, such as how specifically wealthy nations contribute to global warming or their financial stability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay's main arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, covering the necessity and rationale behind wealthy countries offering aid.
task achievement
The argument that wealthy nations can afford to support poorer ones in times of need is clearly presented.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, starting from the state of wealthy nations to the moral obligation they have.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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