Today people in many countries have to spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this happenning? What effects does this have on the people themselves and their families?
It has become a new trend for people to stay extensively far from their loved
ones
in various nations lately. There are a number of reasons for this
out of which the most significant ones
are higher studies
for students and the job competition for ones
who are already in industry. Due to
which
, it leads to homesickness and increased love for their family members. Correct pronoun usage
this
This
paragraph will be providing
Wrong verb form
provide
detailed
explanation Add an article
a detailed
for
Change preposition
of
aforementioned
causes in the forthcoming paragraphs.
First and foremost, children move out of their hometowns for higher Correct article usage
the aforementioned
studies
after high school. Owing to the fact, different
colleges and universities Correct word choice
that different
specializes
in different kinds of programs they have to Change the verb form
specialize
take
Correct your spelling
make
this
decision for their future scope and some of them even enrol to
international universities. Change preposition
on
For instance
, it has been observed in a recent finding that out of all current American students, 79% of them doesn’t
even belong to the province they study in. Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
Hence
, relocation is mostly based on studies
. Adding to this
, people in the working class seek job opportunities which are often provided by sub-urban or metropolitan cities that
leads them to relocate and leave their Correct pronoun usage
apply
family
behind.
Moving away from family leads to certain challenges and I believe people go through all stages of homesickness. From missing their parents and Fix the agreement mistake
families
closed
Replace the word
close
ones
to realising the value they bring to their life. Thus
, they want to be seeing them more often. Not neglecting the fact, staying
away from our family leads to increased love for their family. Correct word choice
that staying
Hence
, it causes them to work harder for them and make them proud.
In a nutshell, it is explicit that job opportunities and higher studies
leads
one to move away from their family and it has some adverse impacts as Change the verb form
lead
in
homesickness and missing Change preposition
apply
the
loved Correct article usage
apply
ones
but all in all, it boosts their love and motivates them to push harder to achieve their ambitions.Submitted by karanmehta37872 on
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clarity
Work on enhancing the clarity of your ideas. At times, the points made can feel a bit muddled. Strive for more straightforward sentences and less complex structures.
task response
While you have reasons and examples, consider bolstering them with more specifics or varied examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
task response
Your essay covers all parts of the task, addressing both reasons for being away from family and the effects.
coherence
The structure of the essay is logical, and the inclusion of an introduction and conclusion helps present your arguments clearly.
cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs and ideas are fairly smooth, enhancing the overall readability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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