Today people in many countries have to spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this happenning? What effects does this have on the people themselves and their families?

It has become a new trend for people to stay extensively far from their loved
ones
in various nations lately. There are a number of reasons for
this
out of which the most significant
ones
are higher
studies
for students and the job competition for
ones
who are already in industry.
Due to
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, it leads to homesickness and increased love for their family members.
This
paragraph will
be providing
Wrong verb form
provide
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detailed
Add an article
a detailed
show examples
explanation
for
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of
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aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
causes in the forthcoming paragraphs. First and foremost, children move out of their hometowns for higher
studies
after high school. Owing to the fact,
different
Correct word choice
that different
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colleges and universities
specializes
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specialize
show examples
in different kinds of programs they have to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
this
decision for their future scope and some of them even enrol
to
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on
show examples
international universities.
For instance
, it has been observed in a recent finding that out of all current American students, 79% of them
doesn’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
show examples
even belong to the province they study in.
Hence
, relocation is mostly based on
studies
. Adding to
this
, people in the working class seek job opportunities which are often provided by sub-urban or metropolitan cities
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads them to relocate and leave their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
behind. Moving away from family leads to certain challenges and I believe people go through all stages of homesickness. From missing their parents and
closed
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close
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ones
to realising the value they bring to their life.
Thus
, they want to be seeing them more often. Not neglecting the fact,
staying
Correct word choice
that staying
show examples
away from our family leads to increased love for their family.
Hence
, it causes them to work harder for them and make them proud. In a nutshell, it is explicit that job opportunities and higher
studies
leads
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lead
show examples
one to move away from their family and it has some adverse impacts as
in
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apply
show examples
homesickness and missing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loved
ones
but all in all, it boosts their love and motivates them to push harder to achieve their ambitions.
Submitted by karanmehta37872 on

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clarity
Work on enhancing the clarity of your ideas. At times, the points made can feel a bit muddled. Strive for more straightforward sentences and less complex structures.
task response
While you have reasons and examples, consider bolstering them with more specifics or varied examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
task response
Your essay covers all parts of the task, addressing both reasons for being away from family and the effects.
coherence
The structure of the essay is logical, and the inclusion of an introduction and conclusion helps present your arguments clearly.
cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs and ideas are fairly smooth, enhancing the overall readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demands of the workplace
  • digital technology
  • social media
  • individualism
  • erosion of family bonds
  • emotional distance
  • strain relationships
  • emotional support
  • negative impact
  • emotional, social, and academic challenges
  • neglected
  • guidance and support
  • stress and mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • depression
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