IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Million of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an argument that yearly outer
space
Use synonyms
research
Use synonyms
 is not useful and is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, many citizens insist that the budget will be more beneficial to increasing the life quality of humans on
Earth
Use synonyms
. I personally agree with the latter statement
due to
Linking Words
 its impact on larger communities, and I will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 reasons more through
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
research
Use synonyms
 on the outer
space
Use synonyms
 world is not directly impactful to most people. As these studies are still abstract for common citizens and usually aim to find out future things potentials, there is no direct effect on humans on the
earth
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, NASA is researching the potential risk of sun explosion which is predicted to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happen a decade later.
This
Linking Words
 study expends a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 without any direct impact on people nowadays.
Thus
Linking Words
, it seems that
this
Linking Words
research
Use synonyms
 might be pending and there is no rush to complete it immediately.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the budget spent for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
research
Use synonyms
 can be utilized for the development of many facilities
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earth
Use synonyms
. A journal showed that NASA needs more than $3,000,000 for every
space
Use synonyms
 travel and
this
Linking Words
 huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 could build numerous public facilities in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
, or it could be used to increase workers'
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 in isolated places.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, teachers salary is only around $800 per a year. We can imagine that the huge expenditure on
space
Use synonyms
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
 would be enough for more than 1,000 teachers in Indonesia and it surely will be more impactful to them rather than just spending the
money
Use synonyms
 on
a
Remove the article
space travel
a space journey
a space trip
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 travel. In conclusion, I strongly believe that millions of dollars spent on
space
Use synonyms
 studies every year will be more beneficial to improving
life
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 quality in the
earth
Use synonyms
 in terms of increasing facilities and employee wages in many isolated areas around the world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay presents a clear opinion and addresses the prompt, it needs to provide a more balanced argumentation. Including counterarguments and refuting them would enhance the depth of discussion.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the connection between points and paragraphs; some transitions feel abrupt. Use transition words and phrases to maintain a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Offer more detailed and specific examples to support your points, and explain how they directly relate to your argument. This will add more credibility and depth to your stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.
task achievement
You address the question directly and express a clear line of argument, showing your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow your reasoning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • technological advancements
  • scientific discoveries
  • astronomy
  • satellites
  • international collaboration
  • economic benefits
  • living standards
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • healthcare
  • poverty reduction
  • distribute funds
  • resource allocation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: