SOme people think That parents should teach children how to be good memebers of society. Others believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #memebers #society #school #place

Some

citizens

believe that

parents

have the responsibility to teach their

kids

how to be good members of

society

While

others believe that

schools

are the perfect place to learn

this

While

some people believe that

schools

need to teach

children

how to be good

member

Fix the agreement mistake

members

show examples

society

, I believe that

parents

should teach their

kids

how to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

society

because

parents

spend more time with them at home, and they need to pass values and customs. Some people believe that

schools

need to teach

children

how to be good

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

society

because

this

is the perfect environment to help them, so the school needs to form good

citizens

for

this

world. On top of

this

, the school has teachers who have higher education, so for them is much easier to help

kids

, and

this

is part of teaching. If

schools

have many rules,

this

might help them to be better

citizens

For instance

, in China,

kids

are taught by

tutor

Fix the agreement mistake

tutors

show examples

at school, and they teach them how to be great

citizens

society

until they reach twelve years old.

However

, I strongly believe that

schools

are for academic

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

only, and

parents

need to teach their

children

at home. Other people might say that

parents

need to guide their

children

because they spend more time at home and might have

variety

Add an article

a variety

show examples

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

to teach them.

Also

, if

parents

show great attitudes and become a role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

for their

children

this

will impact them to become great

citizens

this

society

This

is not just telling them what to do but showing them to do the right thing. More importantly,

parents

need to pass values and cultures to their

children

so they can feel proud of who they are

into

Change preposition

show examples

this

world.

For instance

, many

kids

who live

Change preposition

show examples

the United States might feel lost if their

parents

do not teach them who they are and why they need to embrace their roots and know better their parent's culture. I strongly believe

this

scenario is best to teach

kids

how to become great

citizens

society

. In conclusion,

parents

need to teach their

kids

how to behave in

society

and teach them how to be great

citizens

by knowing their culture and

embrace

Wrong verb form

embracing

show examples

who they are,

however

schools

have great tutors to teach them to get a license to find a suitable job.

Submitted by cuevas14dic on Fri Sep 27 2024

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task achievement

Try to develop each main point with more depth and clarity. For example, you can elaborate more on how parents spend more time with their children and provide specific examples beyond cultural values.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the organizational structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that all ideas are linked logically.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for the discussion.

task achievement

The essay addresses both viewpoints and offers a balanced discussion, followed by a personal opinion.

task achievement

The examples provided, particularly the one about Chinese education and cultural values in the United States, enhance the essay's arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

399 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Societal norms
Role models
Foundation
Family values
Ethics
Habits
Responsibilities
Structured environment
Diversity
Cooperation
Respect
Civic education
Social skills
Integration
Guidance
Harmonious cooperation
Optimizes

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SOme people think That parents should teach children how to be good memebers of society. Others believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

People today get less sleep than in the past. What is the cause of this? What are the possible effects of this development? Write at least 250 words.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that arts (for example, music or painting) don't directly improve people's wellbeing, and therefore the goverment should spend money on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some think they can use as much fresh water as they want, but others say governments should limit water use because it’s not endless. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.