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Writing Samples
Band 5

SOme people think That parents should teach children how to be good memebers of society. Others believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

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Some
citizens
Use synonyms
 believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 have the responsibility to teach their
kids
Use synonyms
 how to be good members of
society
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 others believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 are the perfect place to learn
this
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 need to teach
children
Use synonyms
 how to be good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach their
kids
Use synonyms
 how to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 in
society
Use synonyms
 because
parents
Use synonyms
 spend more time with them at home, and they need to pass values and customs. Some people believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 need to teach
children
Use synonyms
 how to be good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
 because
this
Linking Words
 is the perfect environment to help them, so the school needs to form good
citizens
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 world. On top of
this
Linking Words
, the school has teachers who have higher education, so for them is much easier to help
kids
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 is part of teaching. If
schools
Use synonyms
 have many rules,
this
Linking Words
 might help them to be better
citizens
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in China,
kids
Use synonyms
 are taught by
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 at school, and they teach them how to be great
citizens
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
 until they reach twelve years old.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 are for academic
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 only, and
parents
Use synonyms
 need to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 at home. Other people might say that
parents
Use synonyms
 need to guide their
children
Use synonyms
 because they spend more time at home and might have
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 to teach them.
Also
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 show great attitudes and become a role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for their
children
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 will impact them to become great
citizens
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is not just telling them what to do but showing them to do the right thing. More importantly,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to pass values and cultures to their
children
Use synonyms
 so they can feel proud of who they are
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 world.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
kids
Use synonyms
 who live
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the United States might feel lost if their
parents
Use synonyms
 do not teach them who they are and why they need to embrace their roots and know better their parent's culture. I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
 scenario is best to teach
kids
Use synonyms
 how to become great
citizens
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to teach their
kids
Use synonyms
 how to behave in
society
Use synonyms
 and teach them how to be great
citizens
Use synonyms
 by knowing their culture and
embrace
Wrong verb form
embracing
show examples
 who they are,
however
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 have great tutors to teach them to get a license to find a suitable job.

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task achievement
Try to develop each main point with more depth and clarity. For example, you can elaborate more on how parents spend more time with their children and provide specific examples beyond cultural values.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the organizational structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that all ideas are linked logically.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints and offers a balanced discussion, followed by a personal opinion.
task achievement
The examples provided, particularly the one about Chinese education and cultural values in the United States, enhance the essay's arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Societal norms
  • Role models
  • Foundation
  • Family values
  • Ethics
  • Habits
  • Responsibilities
  • Structured environment
  • Diversity
  • Cooperation
  • Respect
  • Civic education
  • Social skills
  • Integration
  • Guidance
  • Harmonious cooperation
  • Optimizes
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