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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nations should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work, rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#nations #money #skills #work #university #education
In recent years,
people
 in some countries have tended to practise their skills through vocational training. Personally, I completely disagree that
people
 should
study
 in the
university
 and that they should be encouraged by the
government
;
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 will be illustrated in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, individuals will be given more
work
opportunities
 from
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher education. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of
work
, most companies usually require a certificate of education and some departments need employees of a specific type
such
 as doctors, teachers, and engineers. If students learn in the
university
, they will
study
in particular
 modules which leads to their ability to
work
 in a specific job.
For instance
, in primary school, children
study
 the general lessons that are fundamental to life. When they apply to the
university
, they will improve their knowledge and skills for their
work
 in the future.
As a result
, they will have more
opportunities
 in occupations than other
people
.
In addition
 to
work's
Change noun form
work
show examples
opportunities
, if the
government
 encourages
people
 to apply to
university
, they will have many
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 workforces– leading the country forward. If the proportion of citizens in the country are highly educated, they will have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to develop new technologies or innovations.
For example
, most
people
 in China were supported by the Chinese
Government
 to apply to the
university
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes them have
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 workforces to develop a lot of new technologies and new businesses
such
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 electric car named BYD or Xiaomi.
Therefore
, if the
government
 encourages
people
 to
study
 to a high degree, it will improve their ability to compete with other countries and develop their country. As I mentioned, there are tremendous benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 advanced education. Especially the
opportunities
 and potential of labourers.
Therefore
, the
government
 should consider and encourage their citizens to
study
.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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task achievement
While your argument is presented clearly, ensure balance by considering counterarguments to demonstrate a more thorough analysis.
coherence cohesion
Review your use of linking words (e.g., 'first and foremost', 'in addition') to ensure they flow naturally and improve the coherence of your writing.
task achievement
You have provided a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to China's vocational support, which helps in substantiating your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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