IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think government should spent money on languages that are dying and a few number of people uses them, some think this is a waste of resources. Discuss both views and tell what's your take on this issue.

#people #government #money #languages #think #waste #resources
Some people argued about spending
of
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apply
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the government money on
languages
 that are dying.
While
 some of them think it is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
for
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of
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 funds, I believe
that is
 more important to keep money
for providing
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to provide
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better
Add an article
a better
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 environment for nations
instead
. On the one hand, some of them believe that the implementation of
the
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apply
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government expenditure on rare
languages
 is
crucial
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a crucial
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 way to preserve the diversity of
languages
 and the culture of countries.
For example
, a recent study
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 China has different
languages
 among villages and cities.
While
 I believe there is no need for these diversities.
On the other hand
,
advantages
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the advantages
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 of inserting
of
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apply
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these expenditures in improving
the
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apply
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health and
contribute
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contributing
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 to
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the developing
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developing
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development
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 of the country
is outweigh
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outweigh
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 the
spend
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spending
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 of these funds on
languages
.
This
 is because
English
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the English
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 language
is become
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becomes
has become
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 more popular among residents and the
beneficial
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benefits
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 of
keep
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keeping
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money
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the money
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 for living standards
are
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is
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 more
benefit
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beneficial
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.
For instance
, it has been shown the United States is one of
Add an article
the advance
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advance
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advanced
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 countries and they
spoke by
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speak
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 one language. I believe that we should
make
Verb problem
apply
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a
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apply
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consider
for
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apply
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people’s
live
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life
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 essentials rather than wasting
it
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them
show examples
. In conclusion, spending a lot of expenditure on rare
languages
for preserving
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to preserve
show examples
of
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apply
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the
diversities
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diversity
show examples
 and the
cultural
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culture
show examples
 of these cities
it
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apply
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is make
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makes
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 a logic for most nations.
While most
Correct word choice
Most
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 people these days tend to use only two
language
Change to a plural noun
languages
show examples
 and there are different aspects of our lives
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
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considering
Replace the word
consideration
show examples
. I recommended the government should make a survey and see if the
beneficial
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benefits
show examples
 will overcome the disadvantages or not.
Submitted by rraghad.b on

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task response
You have addressed the task and presented both views mentioned in the prompt. However, the response could be more complete by expanding on your arguments with clearer and more detailed reasoning.
task response
Some ideas are not fully developed or are repeated. For instance, the discussion about the importance of preserving linguistic diversity could have been expanded with more specific examples and clearer explanations.
coherence and cohesion
There are some lapses in coherence. Sentence structure and flow could be improved to ensure smooth reading and clearer communication of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but they could be more connected to the main points in the body paragraphs. Try to ensure that your arguments are well-linked throughout the essay.
task response
The essay needs more concrete examples to support the main points. Including specific instances or case studies would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task response
You have made an effort to address both views as required by the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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