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Band 5

Public libraries should provide books and not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?

#libraries #books #waste #resources #media #software #videos #dvds
Public Libraries should make
books
 available rather than spend their scarce resources on costly media gadgets. In my opinion, I disagree based on the
fact
 that the world we
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
are in now has gone digital. With the advent of science and technology, these
books
 are easy to read on the go.
Firstly
, I
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 like to state that with the recent rise in the usage of science and technology, There is no need to invest so much in hard copies of
books
. The library can function
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 converting these notes to E-
books
 which makes it more interesting and attractive to watch and read.
For Example
, a student
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 struggles so much to assimilate physical
copy
Fix the agreement mistake
copies
show examples
 of notes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will find it more interesting to get those lessons in pictorial, and voice format. Thereby, making the reading hub somewhere people want to visit constantly. Another point to consider
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the
fact
 that having so
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
books
 in the Library
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it clumsy and unkempt.
Due to
 the
fact
 that
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 by day, there are new articles
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and lessons which
has
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have
show examples
 to be showcased .
Furthermore
, it is good we
also
 look at the storage of these
books
 because
,
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apply
show examples
 there are some of these writings that have been kept for years,
no
Correct word choice
and no
show examples
 one goes back there. Based on
this
fact
, they could get destroyed by
termite
Fix the agreement mistake
termites
show examples
 or water.
Thus
, leading to its destruction. But if they are kept in video and DVD format, they can withstand the test of time. In conclusion, I believe that libraries should invest more in
tech- media
Correct your spelling
tech-media
show examples
 gadgets rather than physical
books
 because
this
 will help to store the content in
a safe places
Correct the article-noun agreement
a safe place
safe places
show examples
such
 as clouds, which can be made reference to as the need may
arises
Change the verb form
arise
show examples
, even over a long period of time.
Submitted by mosesak0907 on

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task achievement
While your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, consider discussing counterarguments. Mention why some people might still prefer physical books and then refute those arguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. While your main points are clear, some sentences are a bit awkward and could be rephrased for better readability.
task achievement
Try to include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Current examples are somewhat general.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure could be improved by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Maintain stronger links between sentences within paragraphs to improve cohesion. Use connectors and pronouns to link back to previous ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your argument.
task achievement
You provided two main points that are relevant to the topic, showing a good understanding of the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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