IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the average cost of a monthly contract for 4 different mobiles in a European country from January to September 2002, measured in euro.

#cost #contract #mobiles #european #country #january #september #euro
The above line graph
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 data that detected in
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
avarega
Correct your spelling
average
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price
show examples
 changes of four
diffirent
Correct your spelling
different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
smarphones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
 in
European
Add an article
a European
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 from January to September 2002.
Overall
, it is noticeable that
domo mobile
Correct your spelling
Domo Mobile
show examples
 had the strongest average cost
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the start of the year.
While
 Alpha gadgets received the weakest price
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 January .
However
, the other devices
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in between the two.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 evident that
Alpha
Change noun form
Alpha's
show examples
 cost had
growth
Replace the word
grown
show examples
 gradually from 5
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 January to 7
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 April. Releated to sim TX was 9 on Jan
then
 started to increase gradually to reach the
peek
Correct your spelling
peak
show examples
 on June to 14.
In contrast
, The average price of
lex
Capitalize word
Lex
show examples
 shows
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 decline from 13 to 10 in one month
then
start
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
rose
Change the verb form
to rise
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Demo, lex and alpha
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 dipped
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Jun.
In addition
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
 alpha received the highest score
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 25.
However
, the number of sim tx sharply decreases to be the lowest average which is 7. The
others type
Fix the agreement mistake
other types
show examples
 of mobile stay fluctuated.
Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: