The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph illustrates the process
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
producing
sugar
from
sugar
cane.
Overall
, it is a
seven phases
Correct your spelling
seven-phase
show examples
Man-made, linear process. It begins with
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
of
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
and
ending
Wrong verb form
ends
show examples
with
drying
Correct article usage
the drying
show examples
and cooling of
sugar
this
process will
complete
Wrong verb form
be completed
show examples
without any adding for raw materials.
To begin
,
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
need
Wrong verb form
is needed
show examples
for 12-18 months for growing, after it
grown
Add a missing verb
is grown
show examples
the farmer
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
harvested
Wrong verb form
harvesting
show examples
all of
canes
Add an article
the canes
show examples
by hand or by truck to collect the
canes
.
Then
, crushed
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
harvested
sugar
manually to produce a
juice
.
Next,
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
of limestone filter to filter purified
juice
. In the subsequent stage, the evaporator will begin by
pour
Wrong verb form
pouring
show examples
the
juice
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
oven
Add an article
the oven
show examples
and
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
it to
expose
Verb problem
apply
show examples
for high degree of hotness until
this
juice
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
syrup.
Following
this
,
sugar
crystals were separated from syrup in order to centrifuge.
Finally
, dried and cooled of collected
sugar
before
delivering
Verb problem
being
show examples
it and transported to the stores.
Submitted by rraghad.b on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, canes, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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